Advice

Judge Jay-Jay delivers her verdict on a groom with cold feet

More FM radio diva Jay-Jay Feeney delivers her verdict on your biggest dilemmas

Wedding woes

Hi Jay-Jay,

I proposed to my partner a couple of years ago, but we haven’t set a date for the wedding. We don’t currently live together, he won’t rent a house with me and we aren’t in a position to buy yet. How can I get the ball rolling with setting a date? He told me we would sit down and discuss it at some point, but he hasn’t said anything else since. I’m too nervous to bring it up myself. Please help!

Emma, Wellington

Hi Emma,

Congratulations on your engagement! This is one of the most exciting times in your life. We need to get your partner on board, to be as excited as you are. Why do you think he hasn’t said anything? Does he have cold feet? Or is he just too relaxed about it? I feel like it might be the latter and if that’s the case, then you have to take the lead!

I do know quite a few men who are happy for their partners to organise it all and they will just go along with it.

It doesn’t mean they don’t care – they just know you probably care about the details more than them. So why don’t you just set the date? Give him an invite to his own wedding. Lol. Once the date is set and there is no objection from him, then you can ask him what role he would like to play in organising the big day.

It’s also a good time to talk about living together. Why won’t he rent with you? That sounds a bit strange for someone who is going to marry you. Owning a house is very expensive – there is nothing wrong with renting in the meantime. It makes sense for you to rent together so you can save for a house down the track. Motivate your man! If he wants to keep a happy wife, he’s going to have to step up!

All the best, Jay-Jay

A problem shared is a problem halved! Send your sticky situations to Jay-Jay – email [email protected].

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