Real Housewives of Auckland recap: Episode 9

Book launches, twerking, lemons to lemonade
Louise Wallace

Last night’s episode begun traumatically for poor Lea, who was forced to drive Angela around in her expensive car despite having crashed it the last time she tried, and never having had a driving lesson before.

The jaunt didn’t get off to the best start as a flustered Angela reminded Lea to be careful as it was a “high end car sweetheart”.

European born Lea proceeded to then get into the wrong side of the car.

After a couple of near death experiences, and a panic attack-inducing attempt at a parallel park, Angela declared that it was time for a drink.

Wine time

We then nipped off to Parnell for a wine and dine with the rest of the gang.

After Julia got slated by her gal pals for wearing a velvet bedazzled singlet in the middle of winter, the ladies moved onto discussing the upcoming book launches for Gilda and Angela, and the demise of Angela’s relationship with Kirk.

Louise then prodded Michelle about whether or not her husband would take her back if she ever left him, before going off camera to throw some zingers about Michelle being a gold digger after her own heart.

“I suspect that David being a very wealthy man obviously has something to do with Michelle being with him. I certainly wouldn’t want to be married to a pauper.”

I aint saying she’s a gold digger

Michelle and Anne then spend the afternoon at a dance studio where Anne absolutely nailed the hip-hop dance routine, proving you can bust a move at any age, or any size.

“Is that the booty? I haven’t got a very big one to stick out.”

“Is that the booty? I haven’t got a very big one to stick out,” said Anne

The dancers then teach Anne and Michelle how to twerk which Anne declares sounds more like the old classic, the ‘Pelvic Thrust’.

“This is better than going for a back treatment,” said Anne

That evening was Angela’s book launch for her new self-help read Being Real.

Gilda and Michelle “coincidentally” both had prior engagements so did not attend the event, and Louise and Anne spent the whole night ripping into how crap the turnout was, and why Angela wasn’t even there.

Much to the disgust of Louise, after about two hours, Angela finally turned up to her own party escorted by topless male waiters.

We were then treated to an interpretive dance by one of Angela’s dear friends.

“The dance is a symbol of freedom, and elegance and an expression of who you are and who you want to be, and just be yourself,” said Angela

Bottoms up

Karen, the MC of the night who also happens to be Angela’s spiritual healer, introduced the lady of the hour with a fruit analogy and an incorrect quote.

“If life throws Angela a lemon, she would take the lemon, peel back the layers, ask the lemon ‘who are you?’ and then she would remind the lemon of our wonderful Coco Chanel who said ‘being yourself, means to be yourself.’”

If you say so

Louise and Anne then sent a couple of texts to the rest of the gang, telling them that the party sucked.

Good-girl Julia feels bad about all this gossiping and tells Angela that they’re talking about her behind her back.

The following evening is Gilda’s book launch which has an undeniably better turnout.


Of course, no episode would be complete without a shock entrance and a cat fight.

Angela storms in halfway through speeches, and Michelle isn’t having a bar of it.

“How dare you walk in during speeches and how dare you walk in two hours late?”

She then throws the pearler of the entire night at Angela.

“By the way, I heard your book launch was shit.”

The episode winds up with everyone fighting with everyone, except Gilda who just chilled in the background like an evil genius.



Next week it’s all over as the final episode of Real Housewives of Auckland airs. Will the girls be BFF’s or frenemies? Tune in to find out.

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