At just 17, Steve Tolmay’s world flipped upside down. One moment, he was lifting weights at the gym. The next, he was vomiting from the worst headache of his life and his vision was sparkling in a way that felt more sinister than dazzling.
Surviving the impossible
What the Christchurch teen didn’t know was that he was experiencing a severe stroke – so rare for someone his age, it’s thought to be a one-in-a-million event.
Recalls Steve, “It was in that struck-by-lightning territory – to survive it is even more rare. Luckily, my friends were at the gym and took me to A&E straightaway. Coincidentally, my brother Mike, who’s a doctor, was working in the emergency department that day. When he saw me, he went ghost white. The scan showed a sizeable bleed in my brain.”
While Steve thankfully survived, his recovery was difficult. Suffering from what felt like a severe concussion, he spent three months on bed rest and had six months off his final year at school.
“I missed most of Year 13,” says Steve.
“I couldn’t go out, couldn’t exercise and couldn’t party. It really sucked. I had all the questions: ‘Why me? Am I going to die? Will I be able to do anything normal again?’”
From patient to doctor
But the experience saw Steve, 30, find his calling as a doctor.
He tells, “I became obsessed with medicine and had a huge respect for all of the health professionals who treated me. I couldn’t do much else while recovering, so I devoured every medical book and TV show I could.”
For months, he suffered lethargy, migraines and the lingering effects of the stroke. He still lives with a small visual defect. But in those long, quiet days at home, a new sense of purpose was born.
He explains, “I’d wanted to be a vet originally, but something shifted. I wanted to help people in the way I’d been helped.”
Despite the lost school time and a disrupted Year 12 due to the earthquakes, Steve scraped together enough credits to study health sciences at university. He’s now five years into a career in emergency medicine.
“I’ve always been drawn to ED – the calm in the chaos and the doctors who can handle anything,” he tells.
Inside the ED
Today, Steve works in Auckland City Hospital’s emergency department, juggling erratic shifts, life-and-death calls and “the airport of humanity” that passes through ED each day.
He says, “You see everything – births, deaths, freak accidents. It’s humbling and makes you realise how fragile life is.”
When Steve was approached about being featured on TVNZ’s Diary Of A Junior Doctor, his first instinct was to say, “Absolutely not!” But then his wife Madita, 28, stepped in.
“I knew his story was amazing,” she enthuses.
“He’s such a humble guy, but I wanted people to see the person I know. I challenged him, saying, ‘This isn’t something you’ll get the chance to do again.’”
Love at first shift
The couple met years ago, when German-born Madita was working as an au pair in Auckland, and connected immediately.
“We just started seeing each other every day,” says Steve.
“It felt official right away.”
Madita had planned to stay for four months but stayed two years. Eventually, encouraged by Steve, she studied nursing and now she works at a private hospital in Auckland.
“Now we bond over work stories,” he says.
“She understands everything I’m talking about and is addicted to medicine as I am.”
The pair married in 2023 in a sunny, relaxed ceremony at Auckland’s Bethells Beach.
“It was like a giant barbecue with the people we love,” recalls Steve.
“It was perfect.”
Life beyond the hospital
Balancing two high-stress healthcare careers means time together is precious.
Tells Madita, “We work different shifts, so when we do have time off, we try to make it count – camping, surfing, dates and whatever we can fit in.”
A keen motorcyclist and off-the-grid adventurer, Steve admits his near-death experience changed him.
“You don’t get to choose how much time you have – that sits with me every day,” he muses.
“I want to experience life fully, but I also know the risks because I see them in ED. It’s confronting, but one good interaction with a patient can change everything. Medicine isn’t just about procedures –
it’s about connection.”
While there’s a lot of talk of the “brain drain” lately, Steve insists, “We’re both really happy in New Zealand. Our jobs are hectic, but escaping into the bush and camping in the Coromandel keep us sane.”
A family dedicated to care
Steve’s brother Mike is now a family GP and his sister Sarah’s a paramedic, who has dropped patients off to Steve in resuscitation.
“It’s a family business!” he laughs. “But our parents are both accountants, so they’re scratching their heads, wondering what happened.”
From a hospital bed at 17 to a career helping others through their darkest moments, his journey has come full circle.
Smiles Steve, “If my story helps someone else, someone stuck in bed wondering if they’ll ever get their life back, then sharing it will be worth it.”
Diary Of A Junior Doctor screens 7.30pm Tuesdays on TVNZ 1 and streams on TVNZ+.
