Photography: Monty Adams
They are words Lorraine Downes never expected to hear herself utter, let alone use to ignite a vibrant, spirited and invigorating new chapter in her extraordinary story.
“I can genuinely say that at the age of 61, I am feeling the best I’ve ever felt in my life – physically, emotionally and spiritually,” she says.
“I really am living my best life. I never thought being in my sixties would be like this and that I could feel so good, especially after the grief I’ve been through. Life can really surprise you.”
There have certainly been plenty of surprises, both joyous and heartbreaking, for Lorraine since the day back in July 1983 when she was announced as the winner of the Miss Universe competition in St Louis, Missouri. New Zealand woke up to front-page newspaper pictures of the 19-year-old model from Auckland. She was gasping in shock as she clutched the winner’s diamond tiara atop her mane of fluffy blonde curls. In that moment, she instantly became a household name.
Fast-forward through the decades, and we’ve watched Lorraine navigate the highs and lows of her life. She has experienced incredible success, but also heartbreaking loss, including the tragedy of losing her beloved husband, Kiwi cricket star Martin Crowe, to cancer nearly 10 years ago.
Finding joy again by the sea
A few years back, she decided to quietly close the door on 40 years of sharing personal details in the media and appearing on the covers of magazines. It felt like time to step back and not give so much of herself.
But here she is, on the beach at Mount Maunganui, splashing in the waves as she poses for photographer and good friend Monty Adams. With the sun on her face, the sand between her toes and the camera shutter clicking, she’s having a blast, doing what she loves in a location that has a special place in her heart thanks to childhood holidays spent here and her Miss Mount Maunganui pageant titles.
Opening up again
A few days after the shoot – which shows she’s still got the magic that has made her a sought-after model – she sits down with The Weekly at her Auckland home to explain why, after deep thought, she had a change of heart about opening up.
Lorraine says, “I feel like I’ve got positive stuff to talk about and I hope other people get something out of it, by seeing that it is possible to feel so good about your life again when you get to this stage and when you’ve been through hard things like grief. Life can be amazing again.”
Turning grief into growth
Life is great for Lorraine because she’s healthier and fitter than she’s ever been, thanks in part to increasing the amount of exercise she does. Her children, Hilton, 33, and Jasmine, 28, are happy and settled, and happy kids mean a happy mum. She loves her work as a personal stylist, helping women to boost their confidence and find their “inner essence”. She relishes having the freedom to put herself first and she’s been focusing on what brings her joy, including returning to modelling after many years.
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Lorraine has always made the effort to find the rainbow after every storm, but that was a big ask when her soulmate Marty died from lymphoma in March 2016. His caregiver for three years, Lorraine was so swamped with grief that just putting one foot in front of the other to make it through each day required Herculean effort. But she’d promised Marty, who she married on Valentine’s Day in 2009, she would keep moving once he was gone – and she did.
Keeping promises to Marty
“The past 10 years have been so hard and there were days when I felt like the grief was going to break me,” she admits.
“Sometimes I felt I’d never feel abundant joy again. You know what you’re missing and I do sometimes think about what life would be like if he was still here. But I’ve chosen to make the best of my life.”
Choosing joy every day
She believes mindset is crucial when it comes to dealing with what life throws at you.
Lorraine reflects, “You can sit in sorrow and sadness or you can say, ‘Right, today I’m going to find joy.’ And it will be there if you look for it. I find it on a beach, I find it sitting around a table sharing food with my family and friends. I love catch-ups with my closest girlfriends. I love dancing tango. I love nature and sunsets, and even just standing in my garden, watering it.”
She even feels grateful to Marty for the insight his early passing gave her.
Grateful for Marty
“I’m so grateful to Marty that he gave me the wonderful blessing of knowing how precious life is,” she says.
“Him passing at 53 – and my dad died when he was only 54 – has shown me that it is an absolute privilege to be living a full life and being well. “I wouldn’t be the woman I am today without everything I’ve had to live through. And if I can help other women by talking about what’s helped me, then that’s got to be a good thing.”
She shares that even something as simple as repeatedly telling herself, “Everything will be okay” has made a difference when the going gets tough.
Choosing positivity every morning
“It stops the chatter in your mind and it gives you more positive energy,” she muses.
“Even if you have to fake it to get yourself thinking positively, you’ll get there.”
An ability to find the positive means Lorraine has not only faced up to the fact now she’s in her sixties – the stage when we feel time nudging us differently – she’s not only accepted it, but is embracing it.
“This is the last chapter of my life and I’m grabbing it with both hands,” she enthuses.
Making the most out of the moment
“None of us knows how long this chapter is going to last, so we need to make the most of it. When I turned 60, I went, ‘No more mucking around, Lorraine. It’s time to have joy in your life because you deserve it.’ So I wake up every morning and go, ‘Yes! It’s a new day and I’m excited about today.’”
The times when that enthusiasm is a little harder to summon, she goes easy on herself.
“If I have a day where I wake up feeling a bit blue, and that does happen, I’m gentle on myself and don’t push myself out of my comfort zone. I acknowledge it and I know tomorrow will be better.”
Finally putting herself first
One of the aspects that has surprised her about this stage of life is the sense of freedom she feels.
“I’ve spent a lot of my life doing things for others. Of course when it came to my kids and to looking after Marty when he was sick, I was only too happy to do it. But my kids are off living their lives and my job is done. I’m putting myself first and I don’t feel selfish in saying that. “I’ve given a lot of myself to others and now it’s my time. I can do whatever I want without feeling guilty. That’s an incredible place to be. I’m single but I’m not lonely. I’m living a full, busy life. I have a wonderful family. I have a small group of close friends, really good people who want to see me shine.”
Would she like to find love again?
“I believe in love. It is a beautiful thing. But at this stage of my life, it would have to be with a really special person. They would have to be kind and want a spiritual connection, a soulful relationship because it would have to be that way for me. If I met someone like that, wonderful. But if I don’t find that, I’ll be okay.”
Feeling Marty’s presence
Lorraine is a very spiritual person and in the last years of his life, Marty became one too. They had an incredibly deep connection and she still feels that now.
“His spirit is so strong – I feel him around me all the time,” smiles Lorraine, looking over at a photograph of her husband on a shelf in her living room.
“He told me when he was gone, he would connect with me through the colour orange and monarch butterflies. When I was looking at buying my house, I walked around the nearby streets and I came across an orange bench and a butterfly mural, so I knew I had found the right place. That was his doing.”
Signs from above
Later in the interview, she suddenly stops mid-sentence. A monarch butterfly has just flitted past the window.
“Oh, there you go. I haven’t seen a butterfly for ages and there’s one now. I know he’s watching. “I don’t have a fear of dying because I know Marty will be there when I pass over. He’ll have his arms open and he’ll be saying, ‘I’m here, Raine.’ We had the most amazing love story and it’s not over.”
Giving back in gratitude
Lorraine finds time to volunteer every second week at Mercy Hospice, where Marty received wonderful care.
“I will never forget what they did for him and for us as a family. They offer an incredible service, both at the hospice and by coming to your home. I got a lot of support from them and I wanted to be involved in some way. So I pop in there and at 5 o’clock I go round with the drinks trolley to each room, offering the patients and their visitors a drink. I also help out with their fundraising events where I can.”
Lorraine has yet to decide how she’ll spend the 10th anniversary of Marty’s death on March 3. The date is always acknowledged, but she doesn’t feel the need to mark it in any special way this year.
“I celebrate his life all the time, when I’m on my own thinking about him, when I’m talking about him to friends and laughing over the funny stories. I still keep in close contact with two of his dearest friends, Dave Morris and Grant Fox. We meet up for lunch every couple of months and tell stories. It’s beautiful.”
Family milestones & achievements
What does she think Marty would make of the way she’s living her life? The tears well in her eyes, then she smiles.
“I think he’d be proud. Really proud.”
He’d be proud, too, of his daughter Emma, who is now 22. A highlight of last year for Lorraine was catching up with Emma in Sydney, where she does the marketing for the band Indoor Garden Party, fronted by actor Russell Crowe, Marty’s cousin.
“She’s doing so well. She’s fantastic.”
Also thriving are Lorraine’s children with her first husband, former All Black Murray Mexted. She describes Hilton and Jasmine as her greatest joy and biggest achievement. Hilton owns and runs the café Farm Street Larder in Mount Maunganui. He’s marrying his fiancée, Danni Pohatu, in Hawai’i in May.
Jasmine settled in Australia after moving there at 16 to take up a dance scholarship at a prestigious performing arts school. She and partner James Keys are currently doing a stint in the UK managing the bar facilities for an events company, but plan to return to Melbourne, where Jasmine will set up a shop for the vintage clothing business she’s been running online, moda.andme. Jasmine models the clothes on the website herself and recently did her first professional modelling assignment for Kiwi fashion icon Karen Walker.
Finding joy in family and adventure
“When my kids are thriving, I’m happy,” Lorraine says.
Although she admits she wasn’t too thrilled when, the day before our interview, she took Jasmine to the airport to fly back to London after a brief visit home.
“I cried like anything at the airport and Jasmine said, ‘Mum, please don’t cry.’ I said, ‘Jasmine, these are tears of love.’”
In September, the pair enjoyed a mother-daughter holiday, meeting up in Paris for a busy few days, taking in the city’s iconic sights. They then headed to the Greek island of Milos, where they were joined by James, and spent a blissful break visiting the white-washed villages and swimming in the crystal-clear Aegean Sea.
“It felt like our roles were reversed – they looked after me so well,” tells Lorraine.
“I loved having someone look out for me like that. I could feel their love.”
Stepping out solo
Lorraine then stepped right out of her comfort zone and headed to Istanbul on her own, where she devoted 10 days to exploring the vibrant historic city by day and dancing by night. She attended tango milongas, social events that don’t require a partner. Certain rules of etiquette are followed to find people to dance with once you’re there.
“I had an amazing time,” she enthuses.
“I got to dance and I got to meet some really cool people. I felt really confident navigating my way around. I’m so glad I did it.”
Back on the catwalk
She’s also happy about her return to modelling. Apart from being a brand ambassador for various companies and walking in fashion shows for charities, she hasn’t modelled since her twenties, when she moved into running her own agency, then leaving the industry to concentrate on being a mum.
Last year, when photographer Neil Gussey suggested she should model again, she thought, “Why not?”
Lorraine explains,“I loved it back when I was doing it and since this next chapter of my life is about doing things I love, I decided I might as well give it a go.”
Signed by top agency Red 11, she auditioned for New Zealand Fashion Week and was chosen to walk for Karen Walker, Augustine and the Breast Cancer Foundation show. She also took part in the opening night archive show, where she dazzled in a green Paris Georgia dress and shots of her confidently striding the runway were everywhere the next day.
Feeling the nerves, loving the thrill
Lorraine admits to feeling a few nerves as she took the ferry from her home on Auckland’s North Shore to the city’s waterfront, where the fashion events were held.
“But once I was on the catwalk, I had an absolute blast,” she shares.
“I trusted the process and it just felt right. I knew I could walk, although I had to change my style a bit. I’ve always walked moving my hips, whereas now the modern walk for fashion shows is very straight. “I practised walking up and down my hallway wearing high heels and that helped. Doing Fashion Week felt like going straight in the deep end, but it was so much fun and we were all on a high after the show. Everyone was buzzing.”
It was also exciting to show off fashion.
“I love the creativity of modelling, of becoming what the designer wants you to be.”
She had no issues with being older than most of the other models and welcomed their energy.
Facing the invisible woman syndrome
“They were such gorgeous young women. I think some of them maybe knew my name, but some of them completely ignored me because that’s what some young people tend to do with older people – and not just in a modelling situation. And that’s okay.”
Yes, former Miss Universe Lorraine Downes does know what it’s like to experience “invisible woman syndrome”, when ladies of a certain age are ignored.
She tells, “It happens to me – you’ll be standing by the bar waiting to order a drink and the young people working there don’t even make eye contact. It’s like you don’t exist. But I don’t get offended by that. It’s not personal – it’s just the way things are. They’re in their own zone.”
Modelling on my terms
Lorraine’s keen to do more modelling – the dream would be to become the face of a Kiwi brand. But they’d have to accept her desire to age naturally.
“I had someone say to me, ‘I don’t understand why you wouldn’t want to do appearance medicine to preserve your beauty.’ I’ve decided that’s not for me. I would rather put my energy and money into focusing on my health rather than going down the path of cosmetic treatments.”
“People might look at me and go, ‘Boy, she’s got some deep lines.’ But I’m not chasing youth. I’ve been 20, I’ve been 30, now I’m 61 and it’s important to me to be healthy rather than trying to hold onto looking young. “I’ve had times where I’ve felt vulnerable, and looked in the mirror and wondered if I should be doing something. Yes, I dye my hair, but I’ve been doing that since I was 17 – I like being blonde. One day I might go grey, but when it comes to doing something about my wrinkles, I feel okay about them.”
Staying true to herself
Lorraine’s quick to point out that she has no problem with other people using anti-ageing procedures.
“I’d just say, ‘Make sure you are doing it for yourself and not someone else.’”
She admits she hasn’t always done things for herself – being a people-pleaser has often been her default setting. In fact, when the conversation turns to an adorable photograph of her as a five-year-old taking part in her first-ever beauty contest in Mount Maunganui (which she won) and asked what advice she would give that little girl, her initial response is, “I’d tell her she’s never going to please everyone. I grew up wanting to please everyone, wanting to be liked. But what I know now is that what really matters is being true to who you are.
Living authentically
“The biggest lesson I have learned is that you have to live authentically to your truth. If you live your life trying to please other people and going against what you believe in, you’ll go off track. I’ve done that at times. It doesn’t work. You have to be your authentic self. Not everybody is going to like you, but that’s okay.”
Another message she’d give her younger self is that life is not always going to be easy. Looking back now, she can see how she has been shaped not only by Marty’s death, but by other difficult times, such as losing her dad Lloyd when she was just 23, and the sadness of her first marriage not working out.
Lorraine continues, “I would tell myself that you’re going to go through some really tough times. But you are strong and you will find joy, and you will make it through.”
Prioritising health in your 60s
Ask Lorraine what she wants out of life now she’s reached her seventh decade and her answer is immediate.
“I want to focus my energy on living healthily. One thing I’ve learned is your health is number one – if you have an issue with it, you have big problems.”
For her, healthy living means eating well, getting lots of exercise and sleep, and looking after her mental wellbeing. She’s always done those things, but recently she’s stepped up her exercise regime.
“I do some form of exercise every day, but I mix it up,” she says.
“I do RPM cycling classes at Les Mills twice a week and I walk a lot. It makes me feel so good. I love being fit. Recently I walked up to the top of Mount Maunganui and didn’t have to stop once. I wasn’t out of breath. Feeling fit gives you a real high and the energy to do so much.”
Lorraine also does two weight- resistance classes a week with instructor Sarah Ostergaard and finds that’s making a real difference.
“Weight training is so important for women as we get older because we lose muscle mass.”
Weight training not only helps with strength, but it also boosts metabolism, protects bones, lifts mood and improves posture.
Strength for life
“It’s made me feel really strong physically and I love that,” she says.
“I’ve noticed the difference, like being able to easily lift my gardening mix in and out of the car. I want a strong body so I can avoid injuries.”
A long-time advocate of eating nutritious food, she’s recently introduced more protein into her diet after learning about the benefits it has for women over the age of 40. These include building muscle, increasing metabolism and helping with strong hair, glowing skin and healthy hormones.
“It also helps you to feel fuller,” explains Lorraine.
“I don’t get those afternoon slumps and cravings.”
One of her top tips is to start the day with a glass of warm water containing lemon juice and apple cider vinegar. She also adds a small scoop of creatine, which supports muscle strength and energy production.
Fitness meets meditation
Dancing the tango, which she deepened her love for after winning Dancing With the Stars in 2006 alongside professional dancer Aaron Gilmore, is also crucial to her physical and mental wellbeing.
It’s not only good for fitness but also improves agility.
“It’s also a form of meditation for me because when I’m dancing the tango, I’m 100 per cent there in the moment, listening to the music and following my partner. It just makes you feel good. And meditation is so important for calming the mind.”
The secret to Lorraine’s fabulous abs? “Sit-ups,” she says matter-of-fact. “Lots of them!”
We may not like the answer to that question, but when you see the light in Lorraine’s eyes, it’s impossible to ignore. Her enthusiasm and excitement for what lies ahead are contagious. Age isn’t a limit for her; it’s an invitation to live more boldly, joyfully, and unapologetically.
