After a long week filming on Shortland Street, Jess Sayer arrived home as darkness was falling. As she pulled down the drive of the bush-clad West Auckland bungalow she shares with her partner Amanda Tito. She was surprised to see a beautiful picnic set up on the lawn.
Walking down a path lit by flaming tiki torches to keep the mosquitoes away. The actress and playwright was delighted. Amanda, Who works as a director on Shorty and also acts – had organised what looked to be a date night.
Jess recalls, “We work so much that nights together are few and far between, and our favourite thing to do is to be at home with the kids, so I thought, ‘Oh, this is so lovely!’”
Yet although she was greeted by “the kids” – their two cats, Fennec and Hunu, and 10-year-old dogs, Mona and Bruce. Amanda was nowhere to be seen. Instead, on the table, Jess saw a bottle of her favourite rum, an instant camera and a note saying, “Take photos of things that you love until I get back.”
Smiling, she recalls, “So I started pottering, taking photos of the rum and the kids.”’
A night to remember
When Amanda, 36, returned, she invited Jess, 34, to their outdoor fire pit. Where she had prepared their favourite meal, vegan sausages and flame-cooked potatoes. As they reclined on the picnic blanket with their kai, gazing up at the stars, Amanda knew it was her now-or-never moment.
“The whole time I was trying to get up the courage to propose, and I knew if I didn’t do it then and there, the moment would pass,” she grins.
With one more picture left in the instant camera, Jess suggested she snap a shot of Amanda under the sparkling sky. But Amanda interrupted, saying, “Maybe you could take the photo of something else.”
Jess remembers, “Her tone shifted and she couldn’t look at me. That’s when I realised she had something in her hand.”
Opening a small box, Amanda took out the half-moon-cut diamond and gold ring she had picked out from Jess’ favourite jeweller, Zoe & Morgan.
“I started babbling and couldn’t stop,” laughs Amanda.
“Jess looked me in the eye and started to coach me through it. When I asked her to be my wife, she said yes!”
Amanda’s sneaky plan
Jess continues, “I started crying, she was crying and there we were under the stars with tears streaming down our faces. It was the most perfect proposal I could have hoped for. It was lovely, impromptu and very us.”
This was a big surprise that had been meticulously planned by Amanda. Who had asked Jess’ mum Deb for her daughter’s hand in marriage. And even “co-opted” Jess’ favourite ring to make sure the jewellers had the exact size for the engagement bling.
Amanda explains, “She’s got one that she likes and she used to like wearing it on her ring finger, so I knew it was the perfect size and it was also from Zoe & Morgan, so I stole it!”
But her plans were almost foiled when, while getting ready for a night out, Jess discovered her favourite ring was missing.
Amanda laughs, “Jess wanted to wear her ring out, but because I’d stolen it, I gaslit her into thinking she’d thrown it out!”
As Jess got more upset, Amanda decided to valiantly play the heroine, extracting Jess’ favourite gem out of its “hiding place” in the rubbish.
“I’d hidden it to take it to the jeweller the next day, so then I went through this whole act of finding the ring in the bin and bringing it to her.”
Eventually, Amanda smuggled it back to the jewellers and Jess loves that her fiancée went to such lengths to find the perfect ring.
“I’m drawn to the half-moon shape,” the actress says.
“It feels like love and friendship to me. It’s just beautiful. When I pulled it out of the box, I couldn’t believe it was that shape.”
From friends to fiancés
The lovebirds have been together for three years and friends for more than a decade, but they confess there was once a time when they couldn’t imagine being romantically involved.
“Yuck, like kissing my brother!” jokes Jess.
The actresses played estranged ex-partners on Shorty in 2020 and Amanda returned briefly in 2022. There was one scene where Jess’ character, nurse Maeve Mullens, had to kiss Amanda’s alter ego Saskia Burgess. However, COVID intervened.
“They had to rewrite the scene and we were so happy because we both thought how weird it would have been to kiss,” laughs Amanda.
From flatmates to soulmates
Before their time on set together, they were already mates. In 2022 when Amanda was looking for a house, Jess invited her to move in as a flatmate. Jess muses it was Mona, Amanda’s dog, who knew even before the couple did that they were falling love.
“Mona started sleeping in my bed and hasn’t moved since!” she laughs.
Yet until Amanda proposed, both say they never entertained the idea of marriage.
“I’d known for a while that Amanda was my person and I had every intention of building a life with her,” says Jess. “But we’d never discussed getting engaged or what marriage meant to us.”
Tells Amanda, “I basically went out on a limb and proposed without knowing what her feelings about marriage were. I’ve had relationships before, but with Jess, for the first time, I’d found my home.”
A love that speaks volumes
While wedding plans are still some way off due to their packed work schedules. Jess is working with director Oliver Driver on Auckland Theatre Company’s production of Mary: The Birth Of Frankenstein, which she wrote. While Amanda is preparing to tread the boards in ATC’s Romeo & Juliet. Both say it’s important to them that they represent what a fulfilling same-sex union looks like.
“The way I frame marriage and queer marriage has changed since I fell in love with Jess,” says Amanda.
“I know seeing more happy, queer people like us will help the world!”
Shortland Street screens 7pm Monday to Wednesday on TVNZ 2 and streams on TVNZ+.
Romeo & Juliet opens 15 July and Mary: The Birth Of Frankenstein premieres 19 August, both at Auckland’s Waterfront Theatre. For tickets, visit atc.co.nz.
