Photography: Tim Cuff.
As beloved author Elizabeth Knox dealt with the devastation of losing her mother to motor neurone disease, one steadying force helped her to stay grounded – husband Fergus Barrowman. The couple had already been through so much together, with a series of calamities having hit in close succession – as well as her mother’s diagnosis, Elizabeth’s older sister experienced a psychotic break and Fergus’ brother suffered a violent death in Rarotonga after being deliberately struck by a truck driven by a local who had argued with some of his teammates at a bar during a rugby trip.
“We can see why some relationships don’t survive such emotional strain, but we’re lucky that for us, it went the other way,” tells Elizabeth, 67, whose bestselling novels include The Vintner’s Luck, and youth novels Dreamhunter and Dreamquake.
In her latest release, the memoir Night, Ma, Elizabeth shares how between 2008 and 2012, their lives were swept up in an emotional storm.
“Looking back, the strain was enormous,” Fergus, 65, observes.
Weathering grief and distance together
“We had points where we both felt quite alone because often, at crucial moments, we would be pulled apart because I would be in Auckland with my brother’s family, and Elizabeth would need to be with her mother. There was a symmetry, though, because we were both going through so much together.”
After three and a half years of turmoil, the couple was stricken and exhausted.
“It was like those years rolled over us, back and forth, crushing us more each time,” notes Elizabeth (CNZM), who also teaches at Victoria University of Wellington.
“In a situation like that, you see the true quality of the person you’re with. Fergus is an incredibly strong, stand-up person, just overall totally decent. I’ve always appreciated his patience, wisdom and wit – but during this time, I was really seeing it in action.”
Opposites attract
The couple, who’ve been married 37 years, are aware their different strengths and personalities combined to make an unbreakable force.
“My way of doing things is to get ahead of something, and his is to wait and see, and try to avoid conflict, but somehow the approaches seem complementary,” Elizabeth reflects.
“We’d swum hard but hadn’t stayed in place,” she notes, referencing how the tragic events had taken their toll as they’d tried to keep their heads above water emotionally.
When some years later Elizabeth told Fergus she wanted to write a memoir covering that difficult period, deep down he wanted to say “Please don’t”.
“I didn’t ever say it though,” recalls Fergus (MNZM), who met Elizabeth in 1986 when he edited and published her first book After Z-Hour at Victoria University Press, now Te Herenga Waka University Press.
“I knew how difficult it would be, but it became clear that to get on with the rest of her life, she needed to finish it.”
A book 12 years in the making
To complete Night, Ma – the author’s 19th book, and for which she was awarded the Michael King Writer’s Fellowship – there was a continual relaying of memories between the couple. Emotionally, it’s proved her hardest to craft, a work 12 years in the making.
“Reading her draft was quite triggering,” admits Fergus.
“But for me, there were no surprises because we talk so much and there’s always been that idea that our lives are a shared project.”
The couple now has a new rhythm, having sold their five-bedroom family home in Wellington. They have a small, book-filled apartment in the capital, but spend the majority of their time in Golden Bay, a region infused with family memories of glorious holidays, not just during Elizabeth’s childhood but those enjoyed together with their son Jack, now 33, also a budding author.
A slower life by the sea
The cosy two-bedroom house they’ve built in Ligar Bay provides a peaceful environment, conducive to the way they often work quietly alongside each other. Most importantly for the avid sea swimmers, the ocean’s just 300 metres away from their new pūkeko-surrounded haven.
In Wellington, they’re known as a literary force, while in Golden Bay, they’re recognised as the couple who wander daily to the beach in their “towelies”, hand in hand.
Laughs Elizabeth, “My younger sister Sara lives next door and comes too, and we’ve become local identities who swim in all weather. We’re pretty much known as ‘those maniacs’. “We’re really enjoying the more reflective time and the slower pace, not feeling like we need to get ahead of things, but just living in the moment.”
Night, Ma by Elizabeth Knox (Te Herenga Waka University Press, rrp $40)
