When Woman’s Day speaks to BossBabes and Celebrity Treasure Island star Edna Stephen (née Swart), she’s just back from a business trip to Paris for her beauty company Ed&I. When asked about jet lag, she shrugs it off – “I’m waking up at 3am, but that’s OK because my son Astyn’s up at 4am anyway!”
The past that shaped her hustle
This attitude of always looking for the positive is a hallmark for Edna, 35, a mindset shaped by her heavy childhood, which she recently revealed on her podcast Reality Of The Hustle. She’s finally ready to share the candid details of her troubled teen years and upbringing that made her into the strong, resilient woman she is today.
Edna explains, “I feel I’ve got to the point where I have to talk about it, to give people context around my ‘why’ – why I am like I am and why I do what I do. In recent times, there’s been conversations around my decisions that don’t make sense without details of my background.”
Born in South Africa, Edna was adopted out by her birth mum, an unmarried teenager who had experienced a surprise pregnancy. Her adoptive parents, Morkel and Sandra, had earlier adopted their son Barend and then Edna, only to find out three months later they were pregnant with son Hercules. Edna remembers the early years of her childhood with fondness – a warm, idyllic childhood on a citrus farm, where their dad worked as a financial controller. But that all changed when Edna was four and the family moved to New Zealand to escape the increasing violence towards farmers in South Africa.
A home full of fear
Her father was offered a job in Te Kuiti. That move marked the first big shift in Edna’s life.
She reveals, “My mum had three kids under six, with no support and Dad at work, going from living in warmth with extended family nearby to living in a cold and isolated town. I think the move was the catalyst to her depression. She hated being in New Zealand, but she also knew being here was the right thing to do.”
The family later settled in Tokoroa for eight years, but despite the change of scenery, home life grew darker.
“A lot of the time we lived in fear,” she shares. “Mum wasn’t the nicest to us, and there were multiple encounters of physical and mental abuse. With a disease like depression, you can’t control your feelings or actions, so I don’t blame her – she was just such a very sick person.”
Her father was a traditional, strict, religious man, while her mother was unwell with diabetes on top of depression.
Sport was my escape
“She wasn’t emotionally available,” recalls Edna.
“And when you combine that with a strict household, it was hard. I grew up quite angry because I didn’t understand why I had that kind of mum, whereas others had a mum who was their best friend. As kids, we were very rarely allowed to go to friends’ houses. We couldn’t express ourselves, so we rebelled.” Edna found solace in sport.
“Athletics, high jump, 800 metres – that was my outlet,” she says.
“That and my siblings. We became a trio. It’s what saved our mental health. Especially my relationship with Barend – he pushed boundaries, like I did. We used to spend a lot of time having ‘what if’ conversations about what our other life and parents could have been.”
When her mother suffered a severe stroke, Edna’s world cracked open again. She was just 14 and her mother needed constant care, was in and out of hospital, and eventually moved to a rest home. Edna left home at 16, after her dad moved them to Stratford in Taranaki.
Out on her own
She remembers, “My dad said, ‘If you don’t want to live by my rules, you can leave,’ so I did. I checked out of school and ran to New Plymouth.”
The teen couch-surfed for months, scraping by on a student loan and a part-time job, and eventually enrolled in a six-month polytech course.
“That was the start of my independence,” she says.
“I had no time to be a victim.”
Her mother passed away when Edna was 17.
“I’d started spending more time with her again,” Edna recalls.
“She seemed to be on a better track, but then she told my dad, ‘I’m done. I’m over this now,’ and collapsed. She was kept alive by four machines. The doctor said we had to decide. She was done with suffering. Watching her die was the hardest thing I’ve ever done.”
Finding where she came from
At 18, Edna then began searching for her birth parents, encouraged by her dad, with whom she’d been rebuilding a relationship. She was successful in finding her birth mum Carien and, at 19, flew to meet her.
Edna admits, “It was surreal. Out-of-body. The nurture- versus-nature thing came full circle, where I could see why I was me. So many questions finally had answers.”
They’ve now had a relationship for 16 years. Her birth mother never had other children.
Edna shares, “She didn’t believe she deserved to. But she was overjoyed we found each other. She’s like a best friend now. I don’t really consider her ‘Mum’ because I haven’t truly had one – one was absent and one wasn’t there until much later – but our bond is strong.”
Earlier this year, Edna returned to South Africa to introduce Carien to son Astyn.
“That moment was healing,” she says.
“She couldn’t be there for my life, but now she gets to be in his.”
Despite her fierce love for Astyn now, Edna wasn’t initially sold on motherhood.
“I never thought I’d be a mum,” she admits.
From pain to purpose
“With everything I went through, I didn’t feel motherly love, so I thought I didn’t have that instinct. But then I met Reid [Stephen, her now-husband] and thought, ‘I want to have your baby.’”
Edna’s worked hard for everything she has. She put herself through a uni finance degree and worked in corporate banking before building Ed&I from the ground up. She’s been engaged twice, “kissed a lot of bad frogs” and eventually found love with Reid. Throughout, she’s fought to define her own worth.
“It took a long time to stop craving my dad’s approval,” she says.
“But now I know who I am. I know my purpose. I’ve worked through my Pandora’s box and I’m at peace.”
Her relationship with her father has changed too.
Edna muses, “Old age has softened him. He no longer sees me as a teenager who’s overemotional. He listens now. We talk. Not about everything, but enough.”
Yet the little girl in her can’t help but be stoked when she shares, “He said recently, ‘You’ve chosen how to respond to your circumstances and made something out of every situation – and for that, I’m proud of you.’ That meant everything. You don’t have to be a victim of your story. You can write your own ending.”
Reality Of The Hustle is streaming now. If you’re struggling with mental health, text or call 1737 at any time to speak to a counsellor for free. In an emergency, dial 111.
