When Matai’a Salatielu “Sala” Tiatia met his wife nine years ago, the youth worker from Christchurch didn’t think he deserved another shot at love.
Back in 2008, the father-of-six was lonely and confused after the devastating break-up of his marriage.
“I’m a product of many bad decisions, both done to me and made by myself,” Sala tells Woman’s Day after his shock elimination from Survivor NZ.
“S*** hit the fan. I couldn’t comprehend why this was happening to me, but I was no better – I lashed out and made some terrible decisions. I was very unhealthy, mentally and emotionally, and I just wasn’t myself.”
The couple just after their wedding.
But among all the chaos and confusion, his now-wife Danette “Dan” Abraham-Tiatia – mum to Sala’s youngest daughter Karana Tu Whai Ora, four – was the 40-year-old’s glimmer of hope.
“I was very sceptical at first,” he confesses. “I was in such a dark place and had made so many poor decisions that I thought, ‘Surely nothing good could happen to this guy?’ But boy, am I happy I was wrong!”
“Regardless of my up-and-down journey, Dan was solid in my life. She is an incredible mother and amazing wife, who brings out the best in anyone who is lucky enough to know her – and she’s certainly brought out the best in me.”
While his wife, 46, insists there was nothing scandalous about their love story, cheeky Sala enjoys boasting about the way they met. The two worked together at the same youth-aid organisation in Wellington, but Dan was also Sala’s tutor, who was helping him gain his social-worker qualifications.
“I’m the envy of high-school boys all over the nation because I hooked up with my teacher!” jokes Sala.
Tackling his Survivor challenges with integrity.
“I remember Sala asking me if I could help him with an assignment,” grins Dan. “We met at a café, but he’d already eaten, so he made me buy my own lunch! When I met Sala, he wasn’t in a good space, but I always knew he had so much more to give. There was stuff I saw in him that I don’t think he even saw in himself.”
Two years later, on February 13, 2010, after they attended a salsa night at a bar in the capital, Sala whisked his girl down to the beach, lit a candle and popped the question.
Dan recalls, “Every night we’d go on a date, Sala would have a really bad stomach and true to form, he was in and out of the toilet that night. When he finally asked me, he confessed he’d actually been frantically rehearsing his speech in the bathroom and trying to delay the proposal so it could happen on Valentine’s Day. He failed by six minutes, thankfully – that’s way too cheesy for me!”
The lovebirds tied the knot that year in a ceremony packed with “culture, faith, music and laughter”, says Sala. While married life has been a dream come true, the pair admit that managing their blended family has had its rocky moments.
On his return from filming the show in Nicaragua, Karana’s welcome-home hug “epitomised safety” for her devoted dad.
Sala reserves school holidays to spend uninterrupted time with his five other children from previous relationships – Mekhi, eight, who lives in the Waikato, and Lanakila, 16, Tyla, 15, Zion, 11, and Maellani, nine, who are based in Wellington – and credits his wife for being the glue that binds them all together.
Says Sala, “When you put the children first and focus on forgiveness, then you can get through the layers of complications and make things work. It’s had its complications, but I’ve got to hand it to my wife – she’s been integral to helping us gel as one whanau. I’ve grown, Dan’s grown and the kids’ wonderful mothers have grown. We’re all working hard to be the best parents we can be to all our children.”
Yet Sala often worries if he’s doing enough. Choking back tears, he says, “I love being a dad and I love my kids with all my heart. I just wish I could be around more. If Survivor’s taught me anything, it’s opened my eyes to how rich I really am.
“When I got home, Karana came sprinting into my arms and it epitomised safety. I could easily complain about the debt we have to pay and the new tyres we need, but there’s food in our cupboards, petrol in our car and I have a roof over my head that I get to share with a family I adore.”
