Eli Matthewson is exactly half the age of his father Peter. And twice as happy and contented as him at 33.
It’s the best Father’s Day present Peter could ask for – to see his only son in such a good place. Eli is performing sell-out comedy shows at the Edinburgh Festival, co-hosting one of the highest-rated breakfast radio shows in New Zealand, on The Edge, settled into his first home with partner Sam Clack, 29, and is proud and open about his sexuality.
By comparison, when Peter was 33 he had to hide his homosexuality – as much from himself as anyone else – while raising four, and soon to be five, children.
“I was working as a social worker, living in Glen Innes and struggling to pay a mortgage – and desperately trying to suppress the reality of being gay,” Peter tells Woman’s Day while sitting in his West Auckland home.
“I look at Eli and he has a much greater sense of who he is. It’s totally awesome that he hasn’t had to struggle for so many decades that I have.
“I’m very pleased that Sam and Eli found each other. I totally love Sam. I think I’d be probably as heartbroken as they would be if they broke up.”
Eli was 21 when he revealed to his family that he was gay, little knowing that just seven years later his father would come out too.
“Eli was the first in the family that I told,” recalls Peter, who was by then divorced. “But by that time, I had sort of accepted it myself for more a year or so.”
While it was a total shock for Eli, within a day he had come to terms with it and the pair are as close as ever.
“Over the last few years, Dad’s story has made me realise that you’ve never finished learning about yourself and you’ve never finished learning about everyone else,” says Eli. “You can always make huge sweeping changes to your life – it’s never too late.”
He is so proud of his father’s courage to be himself that he has featured heavily in his stand-up routine that comes to an end in the UK this week.
“One line that I use in the show is ‘the tree doesn’t fall far from the apple’. Coming out is still my thing – Dad just made it even cooler.”
Eli was always a performer even as a child, cajoling his four sisters to take part in theatrical plays while the family would watch.
“I remember putting on a ballet inspired by Jurassic Park that I choreographed, and made all my sisters play dinosaurs and do silly, silly things. I was blessed by being the only boy growing up – I got a little bit of special treatment.”
Eli says his father is a natural performer too. “Dad’s a really good public speaker. Every time I’ve seen him do a speech, he’s a real showman.”
When asked what traits he sees of himself in Eli, Peter jokes, “Maybe being gay?” before adding, “Eli has a definite real sense of social justice, and a compassion for others and human rights. He has a serious interest in what’s going on in the world.
“I’d like to think I’ve got a reasonable sense of humour, so does his mum, but neither of us would claim to be comedy sensations.
“And Eli is equally as hopeless at sports. I think one of the most important moments in my personal growth was when I decided that I could be perfectly secure in my identity as a Pākehā New Zealand man without giving a toss about rugby.”
So while they won’t be going to matches together, they do like to go to gigs together.
“When Eli was 19, he came out of a Simon and Garfunkel live show in Auckland saying ‘that was the best concert I will ever go to’. We went to Paul McCartney together, we went to Leonard Cohen together and Bob Dylan,” Peter says. “I do sometimes listen to his show on The Edge, but I must confess I’m not really into the music.”
With Edge co-hosts Nickson Clark and Meg Mansell.
Father’s Day will be a low-key one for the pair, with Eli flying back into New Zealand that morning, so he is relying on his four sisters to make their dad’s day special.
Peter, who is now living with his partner, has no regrets about his life, saying, “I think you make the best decisions that you can in the context that you are in.
“I’m not sitting there thinking, ‘I wish I’d never tried to be straight and had children.’ It went wrong eventually, but at that stage, it was still a pretty good, loving match. And so I don’t regret that at all.”
Don’t miss Eli on The Edge Breakfast, weekdays from 6am.
