Ben Barrington’s best marriage secrets

As they celebrate their fifth wedding anniversary, Shortland Street actor Ben Barrington and his wife Kristie Fergus are discussing their marriage when they reminisce over the day they met for the very first time.

It was a hot summer’s afternoon and they were both with groups of friends having drinks in the courtyard of an Auckland bar

“We locked eyes and kept on looking at each other,” recalls Kristie. “There was this crazy chemistry – it was instant.”

At 1.93m tall, and dressed in a singlet and tight multi-coloured shorts, Ben was difficult to miss. But Kristie didn’t recognise him from the show he was starring in at the time, The Almighty Johnsons.

She recalls, “He left to go and have dinner over the road with his mum and aunty. I was gutted that he’d gone. But then he came back after dinner and asked me if I wanted a drink – and even though I was holding a full glass of Champagne, I said yes.”

“That was it,” agrees Ben. “We met the old-fashioned Kiwi way – at the pub – and there was something quite nice about it.”

Kristie must have been pretty sure Ben was “the one” because she took her son Oliver, then 11, along on their first official date.

“I just felt like it was right and they got on really well straight away,” she says. Five years later, Ben proposed on a dreamy Fiji holiday.

Eleven years on, the couple also have a seven-year-old daughter, Harley, and have settled down in a beautiful home surrounded by native bush in West Auckland.

For Ben, the stability of family life is exactly what he needs to balance his professional life as an actor.

“It’s very grounding and healthy for someone who plays dress-up for a living,” he explains. “I work with creative people, and Kristie is someone who’s very creative and artistic herself, but she’s got a more normal job and I think that helps.”

Kristie, 44, who works for a skincare and wellness company, says one of the reasons their relationship works is that they’re both good communicators.

“We talk about everything,” she tells. “We don’t always get on – things aren’t perfect – but we keep talking. It’s not very often that we just shut down.”

What she loves about being with Ben is that he’s fun and outgoing, and will push her out of her comfort zone. “Also, he’s very kind and generous. Nothing is a problem.”

Meanwhile, Ben feels lucky to be with someone as thoughtful and lovely as Kristie. “We make each other laugh,” he says.

Their niggles tend to be over small, silly things.

“I’m very easily annoyed by noises, so Ben and I argue about the way he clinks his knife and fork on his plate when he eats,” Kristie laughs.

“And I don’t like it when someone doesn’t put the lid back on a bottle or jar properly,” smiles Ben. “You’ll pick it up, then suddenly you’re just holding the lid and there’s a bottle on the floor with tomato sauce everywhere. Just put the lid back on!”

Currently, there’s a bigger domestic drama in progress. A kitten, Georgie, has joined the family and their older cat Coco hasn’t welcomed the new addition.

“Getting the two of them on speaking terms is a big focus for us at the moment,” says Ben.

By far the greatest challenge that life as a couple has presented so far has been having a baby together. Just at the point when Oliver was growing up and becoming more independent, tooo.

“I wasn’t planning on having any more kids,” admits Kristie. “Then Harley came along and we can’t imagine life without her.”

For a long time, Ben had thought he didn’t really want children. After meeting Kristie, he started to change his mind.

“Still, I’ll freely admit that having a child later in life is challenging,” he says. “It was a huge adjustment for me. All of a sudden, your life revolves around them.”

The couple describe themselves as “homebodies”. They spend a lot of their free time hanging out in the house they have been renovating over the past few years.

“Some of our best memories are being together here,” says Ben. “For me, leaving the make-believe behind to be in the garden, eat good food and chill with the kids is wonderful.”

When they do venture out, it’s rare for Ben, who plays Shorty’s Dr Drew McCaskill, to go unrecognised.

“I quite often find myself taking photos of other people with Ben,” says Kristie. “It even happened when we were in a queue on the Gold Coast!”

Mostly they don’t mind, but every now and then it can be awkward or even inappropriate.

Ben tells, “We were at a funeral recently and while they were putting the coffin in the back of the hearse, someone said, ‘OMG, I’ve got to get a photo of you for my friend.’ I thought they could have at least waited till the cup of tea afterwards!”