Bernadette Peters.
When National MP for Whanganui Carl Bates and his wife Candice learned they were expecting their third child, they thought the biggest surprise would be whether they might finally welcome a girl into their brood of boys.
But the road ahead changed dramatically when they discovered their daughter would be born with Down syndrome. It took time to adjust, but as they chat to the Weekly with seven‑month‑old Bonnie‑Ann asleep in Candice’s arms, it’s clear they are besotted.
“It’s been wonderful,” smiles Candice.
“She’s really a delight. You appreciate every milestone and every achievement so much more, and it reminds you what’s important.”
Candice, 40, enjoyed easy pregnancies with their boys, Angus, now seven, and Logan, three, so they expected another straightforward journey.
But at the 12-week scan, doctors suspected a chromosomal abnormality and after a tense few weeks of testing, the diagnosis was confirmed. It was a shock and the couple, who recently celebrated their 10th wedding anniversary, admit they needed time to adjust to the unfamiliar future before them.
A future filled with uncertainty
Tells South African-born Candice, “That massively changed the trajectory of the pregnancy. As much as you try and focus on the now, and enjoy being pregnant, the future and the unknown definitely overrode it.”
Carl, 43, adds, “There is a sense of responsibility for Bonnie-Ann’s future because it is more reliant on us. It does create a feeling of, ‘Are we doing enough? Will we ever be able to do enough?’”
Bonnie-Ann’s brave arrival
On July 15, Bonnie-Ann made her entrance into the world, capturing the hearts of her parents and big brothers. Doctors had already identified that Bonnie-Ann had a stomach obstruction requiring surgery, but knowing didn’t make handing their newborn over any easier. At just five days old, she underwent the operation.
But Carl says gratefully, “The support from Maternal Foetal Medicine and NICU teams at Wellington Hospital was phenomenal.”
A little fighter emerges
Thankfully, the surgery was successful and after two weeks in NICU, Bonnie-Ann was able to come home with the most serious medical hurdle behind her.
“One of the things we’ve seen right from the beginning is how determined she is,” Carl says.
“From after her operation and her recovery. You see it whenever she’s doing something, reaching up for the mobile and grabbing onto it.”
Big brothers step up
At home, Angus and Logan, who Candice describes as “typical hooligans”, have embraced their new roles.
Candice, who works as a vet, shares, “Angus was a bit intimidated by her. He asked about all the tubes coming out of her. But now in the morning, they march into the bedroom and there’s an argument over who gets to cuddle her first.”
Though they are young, the siblings understand that Bonnie-Ann will develop in her own time and they celebrate the small wins.
The moment that stopped the house
“When the boys saw her touching her feet for the first time, they brought the whole house to a standstill because they knew it was a really big deal,” she enthuses.
As the family marks World Down Syndrome Day on March 21, Carl and Candice hope their journey offers reassurance to other parents receiving similar news.
“We’re very conscious that we’re right at the beginning of this journey,” says Carl.
“What we’ve learned is to expect that there will be challenges, but that there are a lot of people out there who have been through this journey before and there’s a huge community of support from non-profit organisations.”
Guidance from those who understand
As the couple has discovered, people are there to share wisdom, including someone from Carl’s own caucus – Vocational Education and Environment Minister Penny Simmonds, whose daughter Briony has Down syndrome.
Penny explains, “Every family’s story is shaped by love, and I know Bonnie-Ann will bring joy, connection and meaning to her family in countless ways. “Our much-loved daughter Briony has brought a richness of experience to our family that has shaped our lives in so many positive ways.”
A new perspective on the future
Building a better New Zealand has always been Carl’s mission, but thanks to Bonnie‑Ann, he now sees more clearly all the different kinds of children – and futures – he’s working to protect.
Carl enthuses, “In my maiden speech, I talked about the fact that what I wanted to do was help enable New Zealand to be in a better place for our grandchildren – and that hasn’t changed. “It just helps me appreciate that everyone’s grandchildren are different in different ways, and that we have a country that’s able to support all of them.”
World Down Syndrome Day is March 21. To donate to NZ Down Syndrome Association, visit nzdsa.org.nz/donate
