A study by economists shows large families can affect children’s development. They say with each additional child, older siblings are more likely to suffer from behavioural issues, have lower cognitive abilities and experience worse outcomes in life.
We task two people on opposite ends of the scale to try and decide – are smaller families better?
YES
*Emma Clifton
Features writer, NEXT and Good Health Choices*
It used to be a point of pride for me that you could fit my family members in one car. My father’s parents had died young, and so it would be my parents, my maternal grandparents and me, all in the one vehicle. A tiny car for a tiny family.
The first thing people say when they find out I am an only child is always, without exception, “Oh. That explains it.” Explains what, I often wonder? The expectations of an only child are: selfish, spoiled, lonely misfits who are unwilling to share. But only children will know this is not the truth: sharing is such a rare concept for us that we are thrilled to get the chance to do it.
My parents wanted more children, they got only me. I have always – and will always – maintain that they got the best deal possible, but the truth is I did as well. You are automatically given a seat at the adult’s table when there is just one of you, so you don’t have the luxury of being afraid to talk to grown-ups. There were a handful of overseas family trips that would just not have been possible if there had been more than one child; the same can be said of my private school education. And I was born in the 80s, before the cost of living became so high that having just one child seemed like the only affordable option.
Being an only child means you are a curious mix of introvert and extrovert: you do not have the guaranteed playmates that come with having siblings, so you become quite adept at making friends quickly. But you also have to be happy enough playing solo, creating the voices for all of your dolls. You make your own company, and your own entertainment.
The best thing about being an only child is how close you are to your parents. You’re a little unit, the three musketeers. They become your friends as well as your family; all your time together is quality time. The only downside You are now the only person who can give your parents grandchildren. And oh boy, that’s a high pressure situation…
NO
*Tim Wilson
TVNZ reporter*
As the father of only two boys, Roman and Felix, I don’t seem like a natural advocate for big families. But here’s a secret that those little guys, respectively one year and – at the time of writing – three weeks old, don’t know: my wife and I want four or five. We must be nuts. At present, life is a haze of sleeplessness, faeces, widdle, and hysteria. You know what? I’ve never been happier. And I’ve never been more in love with, and in awe of, my wife.
But will Roman suffer because he now has a brother? A recent study, done by economists, says we can expect behavioural problems, because my wife can’t attend to him, supposedly. We’ll take the gamble because the methodology isn’t clear. And here’s a fact the study doesn’t address: kids in large families consistently show better socialisation. Ask the researchers from Ohio University; they found kids from large families actually profit from a little parental indifference and learn to get on with one another better than single children.
And it’s not just parents who raise kids; kids raise kids. Felix will have someone saying, “Do better!”; Roman will have a fan. And – God willing – they’ll have a gang of siblings to back them up.
Kids increase the size of your heart. One comes along, you think, ‘I’ll never love anyone as much.’ Then another one appears, and you do, but for totally different reasons. As my parents-in-law (who have nine) will agree, this doesn’t stop at two, or three.
Kids increase you. They bring out the best in you. They’re often impossible to control, but so is life. So what do you want? Do you want to be more happy than you ever dreamed, or as happy as some economist says you might be?
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