Dear Wendyl,
I have discovered that my husband of 35 years has spent all our savings on a vintage car. We never discussed it and I certainly would have said no if we had. I’m feeling let down as he is not working at the moment due to having knee surgery. I’m working and always have done, but I’m not sure what the future will be for me as my dad is in a home, my sisters are also having problems with their partners and, even though Work and Income New Zealand gives us a $140 top-up every fortnight, money is tight. I turn 60 this year. What can I do?
Lost & Lonely Leo, address supplied
Dear Lost & Lonely Leo,
Those two words, “lost” and “lonely”, tell me everything I need to know. You are feeling as though you have no control over your life and as if everyone, including your husband, has deserted you. So take some control. If your husband is the sort who spends shared money, most of which you seem to be earning, without consultation or respect for your wishes, then he can’t be trusted.
Set up a separate bank account and siphon off an amount you feel is adequate, just for you. You may have to make some cuts in spending to do this, but it will be worth it for your self-esteem. Start by aiming for the cost of the vintage car as a personal goal. Then I want you to sit down and write some goals. What would you like to do at 65? Where would you like to be at 70? It’s not too late to plan great things for yourself. I want you to make some new friends by joining a reading group or something else that is an interest of yours.
Make your own life for yourself with lots of friends to stop you getting lonely. Your husband might object or he might not – that doesn’t matter. This is your life and yours to live the way you want to, so sort it out and live it!
