There have been many times over the past five years that Anna Guy has wondered how she would go on. With her beloved brother Scott murdered and her husband accused of the crime, her life was thrown into unimaginable chaos overnight.
But not only has she survived, the mum-of-five has bravely rebuilt her life and couldn’t be more determined to make every minute count. Her courage and resilience are remarkable, but Anna, 34, won’t hear of it. Instead, she credits the woman sitting next to her for steering her through the worst times possible – her beloved mother Joanne.
“My mum is like my guardian angel,” Anna smiles as she introduces Woman’s Day to the mother she so clearly admires.
“I don’t know how I would have survived any of this without her. She gives me so much strength – she’s amazing.”
Opening their hearts in our emotional Woman’s Day interview, which coincides with the July 8 anniversary of Scott’s death in 2010, Anna and Jo share their inspirational outlook on life – and tell us that despite their ongoing pain, the tragedy has brought them closer together. In many ways, it’s even made them better people, they say.
“I can talk to Mum about anything,” tells Anna, at the home she shares with new partner Brent Jameson, their baby Ruby, 15 months, and her four children, Finn, 11, Jack, 10, Lucy, eight, and Wade, six, from her marriage to Ewen Macdonald.
“We have to be open with each other because it’s the only way to try to make sense of things. We were always close, but this has definitely brought us closer. The whole family is incredibly united.”
Anna feels “incredibly lucky” that Jo and dad Bryan – who live in Feilding but are in Auckland visiting their precious grandkids – always have her back.
“If anything comes up that I need a second opinion on, I’ll text Mum. She’s just the person whose opinion I value the most and who I admire the most. She and Dad are also the most amazing grandparents – the kids adore them.”
Image: Robert Trathen
Living with grief
The women say it’s hard to believe that five years have passed since Scott was shot dead in the driveway of his Feilding farm on his way to milk the cows. Anna’s ex-husband Ewen, who she has since divorced, was subsequently tried and acquitted for the murder, but later jailed for other crimes that arose during the investigation.
“Sometimes it feels like yesterday and at other times it feels like forever,” says Jo, 57. “It hasn’t got easier, but you come to a place of acceptance, perhaps. The lead-up to the anniversary is always hard, though.
“I thought I saw Scott the other day,” she confides. “It was a guy with the same hair and the same shirt, and he was standing by a ute. My heart skipped for a moment. It was awful.”
Jo tells us that while she and Anna have always been close, after Ewen’s shocking arrest
in 2011, she and the children became her and Bryan’s purpose.
“Anna was suddenly on her own, and Bryan and I just wanted to find a way to get through it with everyone intact because it was all such a mess. We could never in our wildest nightmares have imagined it.
“I think what happens with a tragedy is that your priorities become clear straightaway and, for me, that was family. All the rest is just trivia. In a way, life is richer now because you love more deeply than before.”
“They were amazing,” Anna says emphatically. “They became the kids’ second parents because my children suddenly lost their dad overnight and I was on my own. Mum and Dad just stepped in and saved us, really.”
But Anna admits that even in the midst of her own nightmare, she would lie awake worrying about her grieving mum, who cried nonstop for six months after Scott’s death.
“I didn’t think she was ever going to stop crying,” Anna says. “I wasn’t sure how to help Mum, but I wanted to be there for her – and the kids were a great distraction. At the same time, Mum was worrying about us.”
“Well, you don’t stop being a mother just because you’re grieving,” says Jo.
Through a mixture of tears and laughter, this bubbly pair reminisce about life before the tragedy. Jo enjoyed raising her four children on a farm on the outskirts of Feilding and says that looking back, things were pretty idyllic.
“I absolutely loved being a homemaker. The kids went to the country school nearby and, at home, they just played outside all the time. It was very wholesome in a lot of ways.”
Anna stood out in her family thanks to her love of performing, Jo says, as her youngest daughter runs off to find a scrapbook filled with old photographs, newspaper clippings and certificates from her years on the stage.
“She started singing at the top of her lungs when she was about two and never stopped,” Jo smiles. “She was always the lead role in all her school plays – she really had that X factor.
“Scott and Anna were very alike,” she adds. “They would walk into a room and everyone would light up. They were both the life and soul of the party.”
Anna looked up to her brother. “I loved him so much,” she tells. “I would just follow him around everywhere.”
Image: Robert Trathen
Body battles
Anna also credits her mum’s unwavering determination with helping her beat the eating disorder bulimia that plagued her for years.
“Ultimately, I guess I got better for my family because I could see what it was doing to them. I always knew they cared. If I thought no-one cared, I probably would have kept going.”
Anna tries every day to be the sort of mum that Jo is – kind, compassionate, honest and “always, always available”.
“I just remember Mum always being there,” she says. “I don’t have any memories of her raising her voice – she was just really soft and nurturing. She was always interested. I really hope I am that kind of mum too.”
Jo, in turn, says she’s incredibly proud of how Anna is raising her five children – particularly in the aftermath of their father being jailed.
“I listen to how you’ve answered some of the questions from the kids and I think you’ve been wonderful,” Jo tells her. “It certainly hasn’t been easy.”
When Anna decided to leave her Feilding home for Auckland almost three years ago, Jo admits she was worried. But Anna had fallen in love and was ready to start afresh with the children.
“It was time to make that step,” Anna asserts. She and Jo might miss each other, but distance has done nothing to weaken their bond.
Jo says Anna is a sensitive soul, so if she is having a tough time, the devoted mum will jump on a plane at the drop of a hat. She also sends a text message of encouragement most days.
“You need your mum sometimes and there’s nothing wrong with that,” Jo says firmly. It’s this wisdom that can be found in spades on Jo’s blog makelemonade.co.nz, which gets its name from the old adage, “If life gives you lemons, make lemonade.”
“I try to live by that kind of thinking,” Jo says. “I do try hard to be thankful for the small things now and I try to find something positive in every single day.”
She finds great solace in writing and, during our interview, pulls out a small notebook from her bag to read her latest entry: “Forgiveness is giving up all hope of a better past.” Jo hopes that her blog will help others.
“That’s the motivation – that some of the things I’ve learnt along the way could perhaps help others. I do feel I have things to share. Whether it’s recipes, style tips or my thoughts on life, I like the idea of reaching out to others.”
Jo can’t hide her joy at the way Anna has managed to rebuild her life, explaining, “We were worried at the start because she’d already been through so much and we didn’t want her to get hurt. But then we met Brent and he’s amazing. He loves the kids and he loves Anna – what more could we ask?”
But with Ewen’s sentence ending in April next year and a parole hearing likely before then, Anna and her supportive parents know there are difficult times ahead. “There are definitely going to be challenges,” Anna says. “Of course we all worry about that, but I’m so lucky that I’m not in this on my own. Together, we just have to take each day as it comes.”
Image: Robert Trathen
