Have you noticed a child in your neighbourhood or perhaps in your own extended family who you feel is not being cared for properly? For many New Zealanders, there is a tendency to try not to get involved and perhaps instead to get on the phone and call Child, Youth and Family Services (CYFS), but John Angus, the Children’s Commissioner, is urging people to offer practical help to these families.
He says that child abuse and neglect is an adult problem and if we want to put a stop to it, we have to look at ourselves as family members, neighbours, members of churches, public employees, voters and politicians. John would like to offer the following suggestions to anyone who is concerned about the welfare of a child:
As family members, we can support our extended families when there may be risks to the safety and security of our own nieces, nephews and grandchildren. Rather than simply turning to a government agency, discuss your concerns with other family members and offer support.
If you are concerned about kids being left alone in your family, talk about setting some rules as a family for how the children are cared for. Stopping parents drinking and leaving their children at home by themselves is a good long-term goal but, meanwhile, why not work out as a family who can look after the kids when their parents go out? It’s okay to offer help to our families, friends and neighbours.
Consider the suitability of the carers that the children in your family are left with. Sometimes babies and infants are left with people who are not totally prepared for the stresses and frustrations of caring for a young child. other times, infants are left with carers who have their own problems – whether with alcohol, drugs or anger management – and family members know and worry about it. Don’t just worry. It’s okay to share your concerns with the parents and other people in your family and to say it’s not good enough. Supportive families do this all the time.
We all need to say it’s okay to step in and support family members who take such actions. other family members should be supportive of those who act.
Families should be encouraged to talk about the standards that apply to the care of children in their extended family. Those in the family who are parents should be clear about what is expected of other parents in the family.
We can act as neighbours to help keep children in our area safe and secure. We could start, for example, by taking the time to learn who the children are in our streets, how old they are and their names. Then we can pay some attention to how they are getting on.
Help your neighbours if you see they are under stress with young children. This requires individual courage and wisdom. It might go against the idea that bringing up children is a private, family business. But helping each other out is also part of our culture in New Zealand. Invite the mother over for a cup of tea or offer to take care of one or some of her children for an afternoon if you can see she is under pressure.
Remember it is helpful to take action early, when problems first become evident. one of the familiar patterns in child abuse is that it escalates. Stepping in as soon as you become aware of family stresses that might lead to problems in caring for children is an important step in preventing subsequent abuse.
We can all do more at a community level by supporting local groups. Right around New Zealand there are many examples of community-led actions that are supporting the most vulnerable families. In the far north, a Maori-based organisation, Amakoura, is doing this by talking with whanau and providing information about how to keep their children safe, secure and well-nurtured. And in a very different community in the South Island, parent-support groups that include parents who have themselves had long histories of violence are joining together to support non-violent parenting now and into the future.
of course, if the situation requires it, we do need to take emergency action to protect children: if children are in serious or immediate danger, if their care is being grossly neglected, or concerns continue and efforts to help are not successful. That is where government agencies such as CYFS come in.
For immediate help, phone the police on 111 and, if your concerns need an urgent response, you can phone CYFS on 0508 FAoILY (0508 326 459).
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