Dear Diane,
There’s a little girl in our daughter’s class whose parents have both lost their jobs and every time I see her she seems thinner and more shabby than the last. I sometimes invite her to play in the weekends and have given her some outgrown clothes of my daughter’s because the ones she’s wearing are obviously too small. A few weeks ago I noticed she was wearing an expensive designer dress of my daughter’s. It’s from overseas and there’s no way there would be two the same. I asked my daughter about it and she said her friend insisted on taking it last time she was at our place and my daughter was too scared to tell me. I feel a bit violated. Should I talk to the parents or stop inviting the child around?
Amy, by email
Hi Amy,
What a shame that your kindness has taken a nasty turn. It would be wonderful if you could find it in your heart to avoid humiliating the parents by talking to them about their daughter’s coercion and to keep making the little girl welcome in your home. Make sure she has a chance to “make good”. Have a word with her at school and say that she is invited over next weekend and you would like her to return the dress she borrowed because your daughter needs it. Welcome her warmly and feed her up but keep an eye out for any coercive behaviour. When she is about to leave, look in her bag, saying, “I need to check because my daughter isn’t allowed to lend her things without my permission.” This will model compassion and caring to your daughter – as well as protect her.
Diane Levy provides expert answers to your parenting queries. Send your questions to: [[email protected]](mailto: [email protected]) Diane’s parenting books are available in bookshops.
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