Dear Wendyl,
My husband and my teenage daughter used to be best friends, she was a real “Daddy’s girl” as they say. Then she turned 16 and now the two of them are at it tooth and nail from the moment they wake up until they go to bed at night.
I find myself just walking out of the room and leaving them to it, but now I feel there may be something I can do to stop the terrible atmosphere that’s developed in our house. Do you have any ideas?
*
Sarah, Timaru*
Dear Sarah,
Who’s the adult here? I’ll tell you who – your husband. He needs to grow up and sort this out, perhaps with some help from you. You need to talk to him about how toxic your life has become and how arguing constantly with your daughter is no good for any of you. Then offer to sit in on these arguments and be their mediator.
What you need them to do is pause long enough to listen to each other, acknowledge each other’s opinions, work to solve the issue or agree to leave it and think on it. And most importantly, you need to make these sessions constructive. I strongly recommend you visit relate.org.nz and type “teenagers” into the search box.
They have a lot of good articles you can read about communicating with teenagers and you will get some good ideas for your mediator role.
Send your questions to [email protected]z or write to Agony Aunt, NZWW, PO Box 90119, Victoria St West, Auckland 1142
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