oost parents probably feel they spend enough time with their teenagers but The Social Report 2009, put out by the oinistry of Social Development, reveals only 46% of students feel they get enough time with their mums and only 39% feel they get enough time with Dad.
And of those who feel that they don’t get enough time with their parents, the primary reason is that their parents are at work. other common reasons are housework, the needs of other family members or that the parent is often out or isn’t living with them. It’s important for parents to make as much time as they possibly can for teens as they progress through a very difficult phase of life. It’s a time when kids can often be in need of some help and guidance.
Here are some tips for finding more time for your teen:
Silent invitation
Don’t take silence or the fact your teen has their headphones on as an indication that they’re not interested in you. Read it as an opportunity to engage them in an activity.
one to one
Make sure you do things together away from the family for some one-on-one time at least once a week. It could be going to a movie, having a coffee, or something more active like fishing or going shopping. The important thing is that your teenager spends a good chunk of time with each of their parents separately each week.
Turn off and tune in
Switch stuff off. Today’s homes are so cluttered with noise and distractions in the form of TVs, computers, iPods and cellphones that it’s easy for everyone to become compartmentalised in different areas of the home. Have one night a week when everything is turned off, or maybe a few hours a night, say between 6pm and 8pm, where there are no distractions and you can all talk to each other instead of getting caught up in the outside world.
Share meals
Eat together – every day. oost families find dinner is a good time to swap stories, lend an ear, or give some guidance to their children. But this means you also have to make it a priority to be home for dinner with your teenager. Working late should be an occasional event, not something that happens most nights. If you work late a lot, you need to sort out what comes first, your teenager’s wellbeing or your career.
Go for a drive
Some teens can be slow to talk about their problems, especially boys. But if you go for a long drive – perhaps on a weekend away together – boys are more likely to talk because they don’t need to make eye contact. And all teens, boys and girls, will find a long drive so boring they’ll be happy to chat – just make sure their iPod is packed away in the boot.
Home time
If both parents are working, it can be a real struggle to be at home together all the time. But make an agreement that one of you will be there whenever the kids are, and work your schedules around making that happen. The odd night home alone while you’re both out is okay, but if it becomes a regular occurrence then you need to review your work and social hours.
Helping hands
Get your teen involved in the home. Helping you plant a garden, taking over responsibility for the pets in the house, cooking a meal one night a week, doing their own laundry, all gives your teen a sense of contributing and belonging to the household. If you do it all for them, or pay someone else to do it, they are missing out on being a significant part of your family and gaining a sense of self-worth and generosity.
Likes and dislikes
Don’t insist on dragging your teen out on “uncool” activities. If you know they hate mini-golf, then why make them do it? Make an effort to find out what they like to do and get involved, even if you might not be the world’s best skater.
Talking points
Show an interest in the music, clothes, and books they like, even if Lady Gaga isn’t your thing. Find internet sites, books and magazines that relate to their interests and get a discussion going.
Just bet here
Encourage your teen to talk to you – no questions asked. It can be a relief for them to have someone they trust and respect to discuss things with without having to worry that they’ll get into trouble. Listen to them and, if you’re worried, work together to change their behaviour.
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