If you simply tell your child not to have sex, you may deny them access to information they need – information that will help them to keep safe and develop a sexually responsible relationship with someone they care about.
Consider the following questions: If your child may be having sex, is it better for them to be educated or uneducated about the subject? Would you rather your child found out about sex from you or from other sources such as school gossip sessions, behind the bike sheds or from internet chat rooms? Is it better to have protected or unprotected sex? If you have a closed mind and a rigid attitude will this lead to open communication?
Here are a few hints on how to talk about sex:
Do
Make an effort to talk openly and honestly about sex as a normal part of life.
Listen to your child’s point of view.
Create an environment where your children are able to express their views without feeling they will be criticised.
Talk with your children about the reasons behind your point of view.
Provide clear and factual information – this is what works best for adolescents.
Get straight to the point – don’t beat around the bush when talking with them about sex.
Be honest with them if they ask you whether you had sex at their age. (Relax! We are not suggesting for a moment that you tell them the details of what you did.)
Try to understand the norms for their generation and particular peer group.
Be clear with your children about what behaviour you will accept at home.
Educate them about the importance of acting responsibly.
Remember that there is a legal age at which they are able to have sexual intercourse, which is 16.
Remember that it is perfectly okay to remind them and their girlfriends or boyfriends about this.
DoN’T
Lecture and preach to your children about how things were better in your day and how values have deteriorated. Even if you feel this is so, it is unlikely to influence their behaviour or to improve your relationship with them.
only tell your children the negative things about sex. For most of us, sex can be enjoyable and fun, and the excitement of sex is one of the reasons adolescents are drawn to it – not to mention the fact that it is a normal part of life.
Talk to them across the dinner table or in a lecture-style format. Sensitive topics like these are often better broached and dealt with when you are doing some other activity such as driving or even going for a walk.
Here are some of the basic facts your teenager should know about contraception:
Condoms protect against most sexually transmitted infections (STIs). A small number of STIs will be transmitted even when a condom is used.
The more sexual partners you have without using condoms, the greater the likelihood of getting an STI.
Alcohol and/or drugs can interfere with a person’s judgement, reducing the likelihood that they will make clear and informed decisions about sex.
This week’s extract comes from Raising Teens Today by Ian Lambie and Les Simmonds (Random House, RRP $37.99)
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