Occupation: Private kindergarten owner/manager
Occupation: Credit manager
Occupation: Project manager
Melanie: It was organised by a lady, who is not as involved these days, who I think – like us all – was probably looking for a place to belong. She used to organise catch-ups once a month at a café called Frolic in One Tree Hill, [Auckland] but once it grew in size I offered up the kindy I own, Pohutukawa Kindergarten in Ellerslie, so the kids could play in a bigger space.
Alicia: It’s amazing. Right from the first time, the women were just all so like-minded, friendly and helpful. We have common struggles like having to go back to work earlier as we are the only wage earners; and how to work daycare and money and everything else. I was worried it might be a man-bashing group, but there’s not even a hint of that.
Megan: My parents were great. Sadly Mum has since passed away. I did lose one close friend over it, which still makes me sad, but I didn’t let his thoughts sway what I knew I needed to do.
Melanie: Megan, Alicia and I all know the donors. Megan has met hers several times and Alicia and I have reasonably regular contact with ours. It’s really great as they are interested but not intrusive on how we should be raising the child.
Megan: I think we’re all pretty open and honest and just tell it how it is.
Anneka: Just me so far I think. He’s great and he loves Zavier – he’s so good with him. He has three kids of his own and it’s going really well. It’s quite funny. He thinks what I’ve done is amazing and when we went out recently he told all his mates really excitedly because he’s so proud. It’s interesting that despite really liking him a lot and hoping it works out long-term, I still feel like a staunch independent single mum. I guess that comes with the territory in my situation.
Lara: No one here, and no others in the group, I don’t think, but I’m not sure. One of the great things about doing this is that pressure is off. When you are desperate to have kids it puts enormous pressure on any relationships you enter into. I’m sure most guys don’t want to be asked about kids on the second date – they’d run a mile!
Megan: Some ladies in my antenatal group say I’m really lucky because I can do what I want, when I want. Eat whatever dinner at whatever time, watch what I want. They have husbands coming home from work expecting this or that might have been done, and that adds extra stress with a newborn.
Alicia: Just do it!