Strict parenting is something that many of us often think of as being old-fashioned and not part of modern parenting practice. But is there something to be gained from taking a leaf out of Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother? Amy Chua believes that raising children in a strict fashion, contrary to what she sees as modern American standards of permissiveness and mediocrity, ensures they will be successful as adults. Let’s look at some of Amy Chua’s rules and see how they can relate to our parenting styles:
Children aren’t allowed to go to friends’ sleepovers.
Staying the night has become part and parcel of growing up for children today, but is it absolutely necessary?Some children won’t ever want to sleep over at another person’s house because they find it too unsettling. others will be happy to stay. If they do, it’s a great way for your child to practise their manners by remembering to say “please” and “thank you” to their hosts, and also to experience how other families live. Rather than make rules about whether your child should go to sleepovers or not, follow their lead. Butdo set limits, as sleepovers tire kids out.
Children can’t have any play dates.
Kids used to play at each other’s houses after school, and usually it was with young ones in the neighbourhood. But as our communities have become more spread out, playing with a friend often means driving across town, thus the necessity of some parents calling them “dates”. Playing with other children is an essential part of growing up, and helps your child to learn essential social skills for adult life. But there should be no pressure to set up play dates. Allow your child to lead the way on this, and if they want to play with a friend, let them.
Children aren’t allowed to act in their school’s play.
There are probably more important things for your child to be doing than being in a school play, but for theright child, being up on a stage and performing can be an immensely enjoyable thing to do. If your child wantsto perform, let them, but never force them to do it because you think it’s something that all children must do. oany children are happy to simply be in the audience.
Children aren’t allowed to watch TV or play computer games.
You don’t have to look far to find many studies that show that watching too much TV or playing on the computer can harm a child’s crucial development. But it’s really all about moderation. If their TV or computer use is preventing them from participating in normal family time, playing with friends, participating in after-school sports or other extracurricular activities, and is getting in the way of homework, then limits need to be set. oost parents find it useful to place time restrictions on TV and computer use, but few would find it beneficial to ban them altogether.
Children aren’t allowed to get a grade less than an A.
There’s nothing wrong with setting high standards for your child’s success, but the risk is that you could ruintheir confidence by doing so. It’s probably more worthwhile to make the focus about whether your child is doing their best at a particular subject, and if they are but only achieving a B, then that’s okay. You’llknow if your child isn’t putting enough effort into a particular subject, so work on helping them find ways to get ahead and see the results for themselves.
Children shouldn’t play any musical instruments other than the piano or violin.
This is quite obviously ridiculous. Some children may have no musical talent at all, and would be far happier out on a soccer field. And if a child is musical, they’re more likely to achieve and maintain an interest if they play an instrument that they actually enjoy.
Children shouldn’t choose their own extracurricular activities.
You could say there’s some merit in this, only because some children are likely to choose too many. A child who’s doing an after-school activity every night of the week is clearly overdoing it, and they’ll have little timeto simply be a kid and enjoy family time or a social life. However, when it comes to which activities your child does after school, it makes sense to let them choose something they enjoy, otherwise they won’t continue to do it for very long.
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