oost kids love Santa, but as far as four-year-old Ethan is concerned, the jolly fat guy in the red suit is a terrifying person.
It’s not unusual for littlies to find Santa scary when they’re asked to sit on his knee and have a photo taken. Small children having meltdowns in shopping malls when they’re plonked in a strange man’s lap are quite common. But Ethan is so scared of Santa he even trembles at the sight of cards featuring his face.
Adults may find it hard to take a fear like this seriously, but for Ethan it’s a big deal. oany kids suffer from fears we grown-ups can’t understand and we’re not always very sympathetic when it comes to dealing with them. But we need to be able to help them cope with, and hopefully overcome, their worries.
Fear is a normal part of childhood development and it’s actually a good thing – kids need a healthy sense of caution. But it can become a problem if the child becomes overly preoccupied with whatever scares them or it will interfere with normal activities. For example if they refuse to take baths because they’re terrified of the sound of water going down the drain.
If they can’t be distracted or reassured about their fear, or if it’s irrational – such as a fear of certain colours – then it’s abnormal behaviour and you’ll need to take steps to help them.
Here are some tips on dealing with your child’s fears:
Respect how they feel. Just because you don’t understand it doesn’t mean their fear isn’t very real to them.
Don’t tell them they’re being a baby or that they need to get over it. Responding like this is likely to make them even more upset.
Talk to them about why they’re afraid. They may reveal something that can help you solve the problem easily. For example, they may say they’re scared to stay the night at Nana’s but not actually explain – until you question them – that they’re frightened of the blinds rattling.
Try to provide solutions to overcoming their fear. For example, let them keep a torch by their bed so they can check scary shapes in the dark and be reassured they’re not big, bad monsters.
Coach them on how to cope with what scares them. Talk about upcoming situations that may worry them, such as a trip to the dentist, and suggest ways of overcoming their fears, like imagining scenes from their favourite movie while the dentist pokes around in their mouth.
If necessary, act out scenarios they find frightening. For example, if they’re worried about their first day at a new school, act out how they might behave with other pupils and the teacher.
Don’t try to overcome their fear by throwing them in the deep end. Taking a child who’s terrified of dogs to visit a friend with several large snarling mutts is likely to traumatise them even further, not make things better. And never try to shock kids out of a fear by springing a surprise on them.
Expose them gradually to what scares them. If they’re afraid of dogs, start by reading books about the animals, then watch TV shows that feature them. Find a friend with a nice, placid dog and let your child observe it from a distance until they’re confident to get closer and eventually pat it. Don’t rush the process though and if they do get scared, back off and try again later.
Don’t go to the other extreme and be overprotective. Letting your child avoid everything that concerns them won’t do them any favours in the long run.
Be a good role model. Demonstrate a positive attitude towards things they may be frightened of, such as going to the doctor. And if you have any particular anxieties yourself, try to keep a lid on them, especially when children are around. If you freak out and hyperventilate every time you see a daddy-longlegs, your child is also likely to end up petrified of spiders.
Praise your child when they take steps – no matter how small – to confronting their fears. It’s extremely brave of them to do this and your encouragement and support will help them keep at it and hopefully conquer their fear.
Through the ages Children’s fears tend to depend on their age. Toddlers normally are scared of real things such as animals and insects.
Preschoolers may still be scared of things such as dogs, but as their imagination develops, so too may their fear of ghosts and monsters, and going to sleep in the dark.
School-age children may still be afraid of the dark, but social fears – such as being rejected – can start to become a worry.
If your child’s fears seem extreme, repeated attempts to help them make no difference and they become obsessed or very clingy, then they may have an anxiety disorder or phobia. Talk to your GP or a child psychologist.
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