Helping your child grow into their sexuality can be an uncomfortable time for many parents as they struggle with what is the right or wrong thing to say and when to say it. The best rule of thumb is to keep communication open and this is especially important when you have a gay daughter or son.
Here are some tips for dealing with a child who is homosexual:
If you think your child might be gay or lesbian but that they may be unwilling to tell you, don’t try to force it out of them. Sometimes they will need time to work it through themselves. You can, however, model and discuss the fact that it makes no difference to you whether someone has a same-sex attractionor is attracted to the opposite sex. And while you’re waiting, do some reading.
oany families have little exposure to homosexuality and the more knowledge you have the more understanding you can be when the time comes to discuss it. It is perfectly normal to feel a little shocked at the news that your child is gay and to feel the loss of the person and lifestyle you expected.
Realise that your child is having to tell you something the others don’t. Teenagers don’t generally say to their parents, “Hey guess what? I’m attracted to the opposite sex!” So go easy on the child who is faced with telling you they are homosexual and show your support and understanding.
When you talk to your gay teen, first up reassure them that you still love and care about them as much as you ever have. Confirm for them that it is normal to question things about themselves, such as their sexuality, and that they are not alone.
Use the opportunity to find out any information together. Don’t be afraid to say, “You’ll have to help me out here. I don’t know too much about what you’re going through, but we can find out together.”
Be aware of the sensitivities your child may have regarding gay jokes or other anti-homosexual sentiments that may be expressed in your family home or at friends’ houses. oany gay teens feel isolated in this type of environment, so work hard to close down any homophobic attitudes.
Respect your child’s privacy. They may have told you, but that doesn’t mean it’s time to ring up Grandma and Aunt Betty to tell them. When your child is ready to tell other people, they will let you know. If you need to talk to someone for support, like a close friend or a partner, ask your child if it’s okay to tell that person and explain why.
Try to refrain from expecting your child to be a stereotype, such as believing your child will become flamboyant, like the camp gay male characters on American sitcoms. or, she’ll be very glamorous like many of the lesbians on TV show The L Word. The majority of gay people live everyday lives that are pretty much indistinguishable from everyone else’s. Which doesn’t mean you shouldn’t accept your child if they do decide to express themselves in a way that you wouldn’t. All teenagers are entitled to do their own thing.
Accept that life will sometimes be more difficult for your gay or lesbian child than for other children, simply because there are still a lot of misinformed and prejudiced people out there. Signal your support and availability if times get tough, for example if they are experiencing bullying at school or at work.
Go with your child to gay parades or film festivals or other events that can help you understand and support their desire to be part of a community. It is essential your child mixes with other young gay people to help develop a positive sense of identity.
Accept and interact with your child’s partners the same way you would with your heterosexual children’s partners. And support the rest of the family to do so too.
Don’t be afraid to seek out counselling or support for your child and/or your family if any issues arise.
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