Do your kids ever moan about what a mean mother you are? Congratulations, it means you’re doing a good job! They won’t thank you for it now, but being the kind of parent who sets rules and enforces them is giving them a platform to become self-sufficient, capable adults.
Their own path
It’s natural to want to step in and take over when your kids face difficult challenges, but you are not doing them any favours. Doing things themselves makes them self-sufficient and competent, and achieving goals on their own provides them with a huge confidence boost.
Ignore “gimmes”
Giving in to nagging and buying everything they ask for will only teach them that hassling you is an effective way of getting what they want. They’ll have no gratitude for, and satisfaction with, things they get.
Paying their way
This is a lesson they should learn early on, because it will set them up for life. They need to understand that if they want something, they have to work hard to earn the money to pay for it. And if they work and save for it themselves, they’ll appreciate it far more than if it is just handed to them.
Helping out
As well as making them work to earn cash – either doing jobs around the house for pocket money, or in paid employment if they’re old enough to get an after-school job – get them to volunteer their time for free now and again. It can be anything from weeding Grandma’s garden, to helping younger kids with their reading. It teaches them to consider others, and to put skills they have to good use, assisting people who are needy.
Early to bed
Set a curfew and enforce it. Children need adequate sleep – and that includes teenagers – and those who don’t get enough can have difficulty concentrating and also be prone to mood swings.
Manners matter
Politeness is important and good manners can be learned from early on. Constantly reminding them to say please and thank you makes you sound like a nag, but is worth it in the long run.
Self study
You might think you are helping by doing their homework, but all you are doing is sending a message that they’re not capable of doing it on their own, and that it is okay to shirk responsibility. The whole point of homework
is to learn from it. By all means help if they need it, but let them actually do it themselves.
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