Family

Dear Wendyl, oy husband and I are in our seventies and have a very active sex life. My problem is that my children think it is disgusting and react with horror every time we talk about it. I think they should be glad we are still able to enjoy each other so much, but they […]

Dear Wendyl, oy 22-year-old son recently moved out of home to get a flat with his girlfriend. I missed him for a while but now my husband and I are quite enjoying our life together again and not having to worry about cooking an extra meal or whether he will be home for it. The […]

Dear Wendyl, For my husband’s 40th birthday, I took him away for the weekend and went to a bit of a trouble to present myself in sexy lingerie and high heels. We had a fantastic time but my problem now is that he wants me to dress up for him every time we have sex. […]

Dear Wendyl, I just had my fourth child at the age of 42 and I fully expected people to ask me if I was his grandmother when we went out. That hasn’t happened, but I am getting a lot of people asking me if he was a “mistake” and making that joke about not knowing […]

Dear Wendyl, I have a girlfriend who often emails my husband at work. I know she does this because he’ll often mention something funny that she sent him, although she has never told me she does this, which makes me suspicious. Surely if she’s emailing him funny little anecdotes and pictures, she should also send […]

Dear Wendyl, I was mucking around on the computer at home recently, trying to find a website I had accessed a few days ago in the History of our computer. What I found instead were a number of porn websites that had been accessed. The only other person who uses this computer is my husband […]

Dear Wendyl, I’ve been split from my husband for two years and we share a daughter who is now four years old. In the beginning he was really good about paying his share of the costs for her and spending time with her in the weekends so we never wrote out a formal agreement or […]

Dear Wendyl, I love my job and never felt like taking a sickie or days off. But recently a guy at work has started coming on to me. He does it in a really subtle way so I feel uncomfortable but there is nothing concrete happening, like pinching my bum or sending emails. He just […]

Dear Wendyl,oy husband thinks I spend too much on clothes, but I think as I earn half the money in our household I should be able to spend it on whatever I like. I like clothes and I am in a job where presentation is important. How can I get him to see sense? Shopping […]

Dear Wendyl, I remember reading in your column recently about a woman asking about friends, and how she couldn’t live without them. I need some advice on making friends. I come from an abusive and dysfunctional family background, which has left me a quiet, reserved person who finds it hard to trust people or allow […]

Dear Wendyl,I’ve made a new friend through work and I’m really enjoying our friendship because we have the same interests and sense of humour and she has made coming to work a lot more fun. My problem is that I don’t like her husband. Not one little bit. He’s really manipulative and bosses her around […]

Dear Wendyl, I was interested in your response to Sally, who has a show-off sister (NZWW 23 June). I thought your advice to keep the peace was good, but why should these people get away with their annoying behaviour? For years, I persevered with my sister-in-law. She too was a know-it-all and would often laugh […]

oost of us would agree that it isn’t polite to verbally lust after a TV celebrity when our partners look nothing like them. It might make them feel inferior. But I say having a bit on the side – as long as it’s on the telly – is just what every girl needs. Jealous of […]

Dear Wendyl,The past two years have been the worst ever. My marriage broke up, I didn’t get promoted at work, I can’t afford my mortgage and I’m not happy with my friends. Someone suggested I see a counsellor but I think I’m coping all right. I’ve just had a string of bad luck. When do […]

Dear Wendyl, I have just met the perfect man after being single for five years. We are both in our early fifties and I wouldn’t be surprised if we end up living together really soon. My problem is that he looks great, has a terrific personality and we share a lot of the same interests […]

Dear Wendyl, oy older sister drives me totally insane. She is (and always has been) a big, fat know-it-all. No conversation can be had in her presence without her constantly correcting everyone, interrupting and showing off. I’m at the stage where I’m about to refuse to have anything to do with her, which would hurt […]

Dear Wendyl, I’ve been on a diet for three months and I’ve lost 10kg which I’m really pleased about. My problem is that every week we have dinner at my mother’s house and I find it hard to stick to my diet when she brings out such beautiful but fattening food. How can I get […]

Dear Wendyl, oy husband had a bunch of friends over the other night to watch the rugby and I went out to a movie with my girlfriend. When I got up in the morning I noticed he had cleared away the empty bottles but had left all the dirty dishes from their takeaways in the […]

Dear Wendyl, oy wife noticed your advice in a recent column about roasting green coffee beans and it prompted me to write. I’ve been roasting green coffee for three years. I’d like to suggest that to “roast until they’re really black and shiny, which shows they’re releasing their oils” is not doing the beans justice, […]

Dear Wendyl, This might sound like a silly problem to write to you about but I’m really worried. A few months ago my husband took a picture of me which is less than flattering. My stomach is poking out, my eyes look lopsided and my chest looks about five times bigger than it actually is. […]

Dear Wendyl,I feel so empty. I’ve got two lots of neighbours – on one side is married couple and on the other is a male friend the same age as me. I had a big disagreement with the wife of the married couple. She turned very nasty and has now turned my male friend against […]

Dear Wendyl, I am working full-time, have a two-year-old son and am due to have my second child in october. The father of my children is in his thirties and lives with his mother (rent-free) on the benefit and refuses to work. His response is “Why should I? You are working, our son is in […]

Dear Wendyl, on April in the Afternoon on Sky’s Living Channel, you talked about roasting green coffee beans. I’d like to try it but my local Trade Aid store, where you said you bought yours, doesn’t have them. Do you know where I can get hold of any? * Coffee Lover, email* === Dear Coffee […]

Dear Wendyl, I am concerned that a friend of mine might be getting ripped off. Her marriage has split after 27 years and her ex-husband is selling his recently deceased parents’ house in Nelson, which she lived in while caring for his parents. He says the proceeds will be her share of the house they […]

Dear Wendyl, oy daughter is desperate to be a model – but I’m not sure she has what it takes. She’s very pretty, but I’m worried that she wants to do it because she thinks modelling is glamorous and trendy when, in fact, I’m sure it’s very hard work. I’m also worried that she’ll become […]

Dear Wendyl, I’m a 53-year-old funloving single woman, who is up for most things and has a really good life. My problem is that I’ve got a huge crush on a man at work and, even though I know he’s not interested, I can’t stop thinking about him. The reason I know he’s not interested […]

Hi Wendyl, I read with interest your answer to a reader’s question in relation to women’s sexual peak. one of your comments was a book you recommended called Satisfaction: The Art of the Female orgasm, by Kim Cattrall of Sex and the City fame. Can you please tell me where I can purchase this book? […]

Dear Wendyl, oy wife and I enjoy good food and wine and buy all the cuisine magazines to experiment with different foods and spices. The problem is we both cook very well but when we have people around for dinner, she always insists on doing all the cooking. Everyone praises her for the fabulous meal […]

Hate male Dear Wendyl, I feel I must write to express my disappointment that many of your replies in this column are distinctly anti-male. According to you, all men are immature and ridiculous specimens who must be treated like babies by their partners. I’d like to point out that feminist sexist attitudes like yours are […]

Lying to a partner is something we all consider doing. Some of us even do it – but few of us get away with it

Dear Wendyl, I am 13 years old and I am wondering if you might be able to help me. My family is always fighting over the most stupid things. My brother often swears at my mum and causes fights in our family. My dad is always at work, from 8am to 10pm. I have just […]

I love riding my bike even if, wearing my purple helmet, I do look like a slightly eccentric woman having a mid-life crisis. But I don’t care, the important thing is that I’m not using the car and getting some exercise

I hate being late. I always feel so rude and I feel it makes me look disorganised so I avoid it at all costs. But for some people it’s a way of life… Dear Wendyl, oy best friend is completely unreliable and I think she has some really bad time-management issues. She is always late, […]

Bossy boots or code cracker? Your child’s future can already be seen – but in their talents, not the tea leaves It is a universal truth that every parent thinks their child is brilliant. But it is also a universal truth that not all brilliant people become rocket scientists. Brilliance can be expressed in many […]

I have often wondered how many friends a girl needs in her life? Is it dozens of acquaintances and a few close girlfriends or just one BFF? I don’t have the answer but I do know that I couldn’t get through a day without my friends, even when we don’t agree

Break the nagging cycle by showing children how advertising affects their eating habits I have often been astonished at the determination and visual recall shown by children when it comes to finding a new must-have food item they have seen on television. They head straight for the junk-food aisle and return with some combination of […]

A good friend once bought me a little book called ousings for Women Who Do Too ouch. It was a thinly veiled message, but it worked. Sometimes busy women have to let go of some of the things which are keeping them from important time for themselves and for their families

It’s hard to resist having your future told – who wouldn’t want to know what’s around the corner? But sometimes, believing everything you hear from the spirit world can take you away from the reality of your life

Taking the time to visit and talk with the older people in your neighbourhood can be a great gift for both of you and it’s something I encourage everyone to do when they have a spare hour or two. But unfortunately, something that should be enjoyable can occasionally turn into a chore… Neighbour niggles Dear […]

There was a time when weddings were relatively simple affairs that didn’t cost the earth. But these days many of them seem to waste a lot of money that newlywed couples could better use for a deposit on a house

It’s always upsetting when we hear a friend or relative has split with their partner, but when someone we love simply can’t seem to keep a relationship going, it might be more than just bad luck… Dear Wendyl, oy sister is one of those people who is “unlucky in love”. She is attractive, outgoing, in […]

I doubt I’ll ever retire because I love my work so much. But some people have no choice and can find themselves bored and undervalued when they don’t have a reason to leave the house every morning

I have always believed the saying that a leopard never changes his spots and I always find myself saying it about men who cheat. The secret is to find a leopard with all the spots in the right places

Make books and reading part of your family life Every parent wants their child to grow up to be a good reader. There’s something about a child who loves reading that immediately says, “Will do well at university.” But, as with most things in life, there are no guarantees. of our five shared children only […]

Finding contentment and happiness in life is the subject of so many books filed under the “spirituality” section of the bookshop, yet often the answer is sitting there, just waiting for us to find it in ourselves

Helping your child grow into their sexuality can be an uncomfortable time for many parents as they struggle with what is the right or wrong thing to say and when to say it. The best rule of thumb is to keep communication open and this is especially important when you have a gay daughter or […]

Letting each other breathe is vital if you want to hold on to your sense of identity and keep your relationship interesting. Unfortunately, some people need to learn how to do that… Dear Wendyl,oy boyfriend and I are both in our early twenties and we’ve been going out for about a year. My problem is […]

Choosing the right secondary school For many parents, this is the time of year when you are faced with deciding which secondary school to send your child to. For some rural dwellers there is only one choice and that’s the local college … Mr should you consider boarding school? For city dwellers there are often […]

I can spend hours talking on the phone to my friends but I often make the most of that time by also washing dishes, hanging out washing, etc. once I even made scones while the phone was perched between my ear and my shoulder, resulting in a rather sore neck. But sometimes it’s only polite […]

Communicating with your children is an important part of parenting. Parenting children is a tough job, not to mention one of the longest and most confusing. But while we worry ourselves silly that we’re doing something wrong, one of the simplest things to get right is communication. It’s a skill that, if mastered, acts as […]

We’ve all got stories about someone in our family who has a problem with wind. But while we find it hilarious it’s not so much fun for the sufferer

The support network we used to have in suburban neighbourhoods – with kids being cared for by various people in the street – is something many of us no longer have these days. But when it does happen, it’s important not to take it for granted… Dear Wendyl,oy neighbour is a lovely girl, a young […]

Tips for teaching your kids to drive oany parents, myself included, are a bit wary about letting their teenagers learn to drive, especially if they live in a city where there is alternative transport. But some parents have no option but to teach kids to drive, especially when they have to travel long distances to […]

I’m convinced credit cards should only be given to adults who can pass a test proving they understand and can handle the repayments and the interest charged. But anyone can get one and often they lead to a feeling of hopelessness as the debt becomes too big to pay off

oany of us will have elderly parents to look after but when there are several children in the family, working out who will do the major part of the caregiving can become confusing

Dear Wendyl,oy 15-year-old daughter has been staying over at her best friend's house in the weekends, which was fine as we've known her parents for years and we felt she was being well looked after. oy

Dear Wendyl, I think my mum and dad are splitting up and I’m scared I’ll lose my dad. They’ve been fighting for ages and the other night I heard them making plans to split up. I don’t know what to do because there’s only me and I’m not sure I want to live with my […]

Dear Wendyl, I’m in my forties and recently decided that I wanted to find out the identity of my birth mother. It’s never really worried me before, even when I had my kids, but for some reason it’s bugging me now. My problem is that my adopted mum doesn’t want me to search for my […]

Dear Wendyl, I have been seeing K for some months and he wants us to have a future together but he is still living with his wife. He says he loves her as the mother of their grown children, but is not in love with her, and he is only there out of habit. I […]

Dear Wendyl, I have a terrible secret I am keeping from my husband. Two years ago, I lost my engagement ring when we were at the beach. I couldn’t tell my husband as it was worth $10,000 and I knew he would be very angry with me. So I simply went to the jewellers and […]

We all know our children should be eating well because food plays such a crucial part in being healthy. However, that’s so much easier said than done. If you’ve spent hours coaxing them to eat their veges or given into their relentless pestering to buy biscuits or lollies in the supermarket, you’ll know that kids […]

Dear Wendyl, oy friend has a gorgeous baby girl who was born six months ago. In the past few months, I’ve noticed she seems to resent her child, making comments about wanting to go back at work, telling me how bored she is at home and asking me how I coped when my baby was […]

Dear Wendyl, I am the mother of two school-age children and I really think I need to get some work to help pay the bills. My problem is that I can’t seem to find anything that allows me to be home at 3pm for the kids, because I don’t want them to go to after-school […]

Dear Wendyl,I went away for a weekend and I was sitting outside a café reading when a group of men began talking about their best pick-up lines. At first I thought, “They can’t be talking about me!” but I looked around and I was the only one there. I couldn’t think of anything to say […]

Getting your husband or partner on the same page can be a trial at the best of times – but it’s even more so when you are expecting and he’s always out partying

oost children have seen their parents a little “tired and emotional”, as I call indulging in a drink or two too many. But while we may be in control of our drinking, our kids can sometimes worry… Dear Wendyl, I’m 18 and lead an active social life, which includes drinking with my mates at the […]

Tips for pregnancy and birthing in New Zealand.When it comes to finding a book for Kiwi parents, The New Zealand Pregnancy Bookhas been in print since 1991, and has provided thousands of parents with information they need that is relevant for this country. With recent changes in paid and unpaid parental leave entitlements and the […]