Alison* is counting down the days until mid-November, when the oldest of her four children turns 14. “Finally, we can leave the kids alone because Gemma will be able to look after them,” she says. “She has been looking after them alone on occasion for the past year – she’s very mature – but once she’s 14 we will be legally allowed to leave her to it. It’s going to make a huge difference to us. I hate to think how much we have spent on babysitters over the years – we’ve got no family nearby, and it’s hard to foist four kids on friends.”
Denise*, however, is still making babysitting arrangements for her two younger children even though her eldest, Ethan, turned 14 earlier this year. “I barely trust him to look after himself, let alone the other two,” she says. “He’s a very young 14-year-old, and if something went wrong I wouldn’t have a lot of confidence in him being able to sort it out. He’s away in cloud cuckoo land a lot of the time, and more interested in his PlayStation.”
In New Zealand it is against the law to leave children under 14 without making reasonable provision for their care and supervision. According to Child, Youth and Family, what is considered “reasonable” takes into account the circumstances and the length of time children are alone. Parents are required to assess all the circumstances and make sure that any child left alone, or in the care of another child or young person, is safe. Even if you do have a 14-year-old, there are still factors to be considered before you leave them to their own devices:
Your child’s level of maturity
Some 14-year-olds will have shown they can be responsible. Others, such as Ethan, may not be as mature even when they are 15 or 16. Ask yourself if your teen can handle unexpected situations on their own and be trusted to follow rules you set. WHERE THEY ARE
Let on their own
It is usually safer to leave them at home than in a place where they don’t know their way around and could get flummoxed if things go wrong.
How long they are alone for and how often
Leaving them for a couple of hours after school several days a week may be fine, but expecting them to look after themselves and siblings for four or more hours every day while may be asking too much.
Whether they are looking after other children
Not all 14-year-olds are capable of being responsible for younger kids. If you are not sure how they will cope, have a couple of trial runs, when you can easily pop home. Also consider how well they get on with their brothers and sisters – if there is a lot of sibling rivalry, leaving your oldest in a position to throw their weight around could be a recipe for disaster.
If they can get hold of you
Leave a list of contact details for you and other people, including someone who will be close by and can get to the house quickly in case of an emergency. Practise emergency scenarios with them; make sure they know to dial 111 and leave numbers such as Healthline (0800 611 116).
**Names have been changed.*
WHEN MUM’S AWAY…
Single mother Shelley learned the hard way when she decided her only child, Jade, was old enough to be left on her own. “A month after Jade turned 14 it was the school holidays, and she was supposed to go and stay with her father. But he had to go overseas for a family funeral and there wasn’t time to make any other arrangements. Because she was 14 and usually quite responsible, I thought it would be fine to let her stay home on her own while I was at work but that turned out to be a big mistake. On the second day I said she could have two friends over but about 10 of them turned up, including a few boys, and they got into my alcohol supply. I got a phone call from another parent asking why her daughter had come home from my house drunk and I raced home to find a young boy vomiting down the back of the sofa. I read my daughter the riot act and there is now a very strict list of rules for when she is left on her own. She knows if she pulls another stunt like that she will be grounded until she is 18. I’m hoping it was just a case of them getting carried away at their newfound freedom and that they have learned their lesson.”
Related stories
Native ad body.
Native ad body.
Native ad body.
