Lisa Tamati is a woman who has pushed her body and soul to the very limit.
Throughout her 18-year ultra-marathon career she has run two-and-a-half times around the globe through the world’s harshest deserts. She’s experienced pain that would defeat most of us: a kidney swollen to twice its size, hallucinations, damaged stomach lining and severe dehydration – she conquered them all and kept running.
But now, Tamati is facing the one challenge she may not overcome. At 47, Tamati and her firefighter fiancé, Haisley O’Leary, 38, are desperate for a child. Doctors have told her the chances of a baby are near impossible – less than one per cent. But Tamati is determined not to give up hope. She has already beaten the odds once – she became pregnant last January but suffered a devastating miscarriage, and believes she can conceive again.
True grit
Tamati exits the lift at Auckland’s elegant Langham Hotel wearing a figure-hugging floral mini dress and platform heels, looking more like a glamorous fashionista than one of the world’s most hardcore ultra-marathon runners. As Tamati talks about a particular ultra-marathon, her brown eyes reveal the steely determination that gets her across the finish line, and that she hopes will help her through her latest challenge.
“When you’re on the bones of your ass, exhausted, any ambition goes out the window. It’s about survival. After 50km everyone is smashed. It’s a matter of who can hold on the longest.”
Tamati always thought she would be a mother but wanted circumstances to be perfect. With a growing high-profile running career, it wasn’t until she met her first husband, Austrian ultra-marathon runner and policeman Gerhard Lusskandl, in 2002 that she began seriously thinking about a baby.
They married in New Zealand in February 2003, when Tamati was 32, just 11 months after meeting Tamati in a $20 dress and carrying a bouquet of wildflowers picked from the roadside, and Lusskandl in shorts, a T-shirt, and bare feet. Soon after, they returned to Austria to live, where they continued to train, and where Tamati, who also designs jewellery, opened her first shop.
Tamati has conquered countless running goals; now her sights are on motherhood
By 2006 cracks were showing in their relationship but Tamati believed they could work it out. Early in their marriage they had agreed to try for a baby when the time was right, but by 2006 Lusskandl (who already had two children) had changed his mind. Sadly at the end of that year 38-year-old Tamati flew back to New Zealand alone. Lusskandl said he needed ‘a break’ – but devastated Tamati by ending their marriage soon after.
“I said I wanted a baby and he said he wanted a divorce. The hardest thing was that it took that chance away,” she says with sadness.
Despite her heartache, the two remain friends. In her early 40s, Tamati began investigating her fertility.
She knew she was able to conceive, as she’d become pregnant to a previous boyfriend at 30, and miscarried. She considered going down the IVF track on her own but decided she didn’t want to do it without a partner. An ovarian reserve test showed she had a good supply of eggs. Also in Tamati’s favour was that she had always had periods, unlike some extreme athletes whose periods may stop due to extreme leanness. She was delighted when doctors praised her excellent health, and said her running injuries hadn’t caused long-term fertility issues.
“I’m astounded at the resilience of the human body,” she says.
Love match
Two years ago Hastings firefighter O’Leary approached Tamati for fitness coaching. Sparks flew. Their first date was a 50km run and that decided it for Tamati – he was a keeper.
Within weeks of meeting they began trying for a baby naturally – Tamati was 45 and knew her window of opportunity was diminishing. A leading fertility clinic reports the chance of conceiving and having a baby per month falls from 22 per cent at age 30, to six per cent at age 40, to one per cent at age 46.
After six months they visited a fertility clinic. Tamati knew the cut-off for publicly funded IVF was 40 years old and was prepared to pay, but was shocked when they told her they wouldn’t treat her – because of her age there was no more chance of getting pregnant through IVF than naturally. If that wasn’t enough, a scan located polyps in her uterus that might hinder conception.
“The way it was all delivered was devastating. I walked out of the clinic shocked. I hadn’t understood just how unlikely [conceiving] was.”
Joy and despair
But Tamati defied all odds and, a few months later, became pregnant naturally. She and O’Leary were overjoyed.
“I felt proud of myself. I felt like I’d be fine. Physically I can do anything, achieve anything; I can will my mind to do things. I told myself surely this will be the same.”
But the first three months of pregnancy were littered with frustration as well as joy.
Already nervous about her age, Tamati’s first visit to a midwife ended in tears. The midwife questioned her choice of wanting a baby at 46, and why she wanted an amniocentesis (an invasive procedure that tests amniotic fluid for genetic abnormalities such as Down Syndrome – the risk of which increases from 1 in 800 at age 30, to 1 in 25 at age 45).
Tamati wanted the test so she could prepare herself, whatever the result.
Needless to say, she changed to a more supportive lead maternity carer.
When the bleeding started at 12 weeks she hoped it was just ‘one of those things’. But it wasn’t the case; the baby had died. Tamati and O’Leary were devastated. She chose pills over a D&C operation to expel any remaining tissue, as she didn’t want to go under anaesthetic. The experience was a terrifying three days of painful contractions. And worst of all, she was alone when she delivered the foetus, having told her mother and fiancé to get some rest.
Tears well in Tamati’s eyes as she speaks of the “marvellous, compassionate” midwife who supported her through her ordeal.
“[She] told me to let the baby go, that its spirit is in the room. It was what I needed to recognise my baby. I was so thankful to her,” says Tamati.
She speaks of the gifts hospital staff gave her, which helped her and O’Leary honour their baby. They took time to grieve, but had to move quickly if their dream of becoming parents was to come true.
Since the miscarriage Tamati has had two operations to remove uterine polyps and has slashed her total weekly running distance to 49km. She goes to the gym, eats a balanced diet, takes supplements including progesterone to support her hormonal balance, and tries to remain stress-free.
Hearing other success stories from women in their 40s helps her remain hopeful. Tamati and O’Leary continue trying to conceive naturally.
“I’m realistic and always hopeful. And we’re having fun trying! If I start to stress and get negative I’m cutting my chances down further. I’ve beaten the odds before, why shouldn’t I this time?”
Currently the couple aren’t looking into other options such as egg donors, adoption or surrogacy, despite there being opportunities in overseas markets for treatment. Friends and family have been supportive of the couple, with one friend even offering to donate an egg. But Tamati says they are not ready to give in and are determined to continue trying naturally for another year.
If they’re not pregnant by then, they’ll have another discussion.
Early Determination
While the odds stacked against her may seem daunting, Tamati has a lifetime of determination working in her favour – she’s hoping the same grit that made her a record breaker will also eventually help her become a mother.
She grew up in New Plymouth (where she and O’Leary have recently built a house) with her parents and two younger brothers. She enjoyed hunting and fishing with her dad, and excelled at gymnastics, netball, athletics and surfing. But it wasn’t an easy road – she had severe asthma with which came an unshakeable fear of dying, and the determination not to let asthma rule her life.
Tamati’s life changed in 1994, at 22, when her parents befriended a 21-year-old Austrian adventurer holidaying in New Zealand. When he was injured climbing Mt Taranaki, Tamati visited him in hospital, and her mother invited him to recover at their home. After a whirlwind romance he and Tamati set out on a cycling trip around the South Island. He turned out to be a controlling man who left no space for failure, and who pushed her to her physical and emotional limits. When she fractured her back picking apples – and doctors told her she’d never be able to run – he told her to toughen up.
When he abandoned her in the middle of the Libyan Desert carrying a 35kg pack, she knew the relationship was over. With a dwindling water supply, and Tamati and one of her two remaining colleagues fainting, it was a matter of life or death.
“I learned one important lesson – you have to be able to compartmentalise, to separate your emotions from the job at hand. In Libya it was a case of not causing any more dramas. I had to completely forget him and carry on in order to survive.”
Despite her ex-partner’s treatment of her, Tamati credits him for teaching her how tough she was, even though she didn’t know it at the time.
“He showed me a lot of the world and what I was capable of. But it took a long time to rebuild who I was because my confidence was at an all-time low.”
Sharing her Story
That road to recovery began again in 1998, with Tamati running dozens of ultra-marathons. In 2009 she ran the length of New Zealand – 2250km – raising money for CanTeen and Cure Kids, and implementing the K Per Day challenge in primary schools.
Tamati has become a recognised sports personality, sought-after motivational speaker and serial entrepreneur – she has five businesses including a TV production company, Running Hot Coaching, a jewellery shop in New Plymouth, and is co-director/owner of the Northburn 100 Miler mountain run, held annually in Cromwell just outside Queenstown.
She’s also written two autobiographies Running Hot (Allen & Unwin, 2010) and Running to Extremes (Allen & Unwin, 2012).
Given that she’s so accustomed to sharing her personal experiences when it comes to her staggering fitness achievements, it’s little wonder Tamati is so open about this next challenge.
She was surprised at the lack of discussion around fertility and miscarriage and hopes that, through her honesty, other women will be encouraged to share their experiences. But more than anything, she wants women to think about children before it’s too late.
“Don’t put it off forever. Have that conversation with yourself sooner rather than later. Know whether you want to go down the track of having children and be aware of what your options are,” she says.
The Future
Although becoming a mother is 2016’s prime focus, Tamati will complete one last long-distance run in October to raise money for Christchurch toddler and brittle bone disease sufferer, Ryuki Wisjnuery.
Tamati, fiancé O’Leary, and business partner Neil Wagstaff will run 300km from the bottom of Mount Cook to Oamaru over five days. Sadly friend Samuel Gibson, who is wheelchair-bound with brittle bone disease, was also meant to make the trip with them, died while training in May.
Tamati will also complete her Bachelor of Applied Management through Otago Polytechnic, rekindle her love of surfing, and continue managing her companies with a special focus on helping women shift their identity perception.
“I don’t want women to give up because they’ve turned 40, or 50, or 60. Take on new challenges and do things that scare the crap out of you. We don’t have to stay stuck in identities we’ve created for ourselves, we can keep adding to them.”
Tamati beams as she talks about her professional dreams. But it is when she speaks of motherhood that she becomes most emotional.
“Hopefully I can add motherhood to my own identity in the near future,” she says.
With Tamati’s trademark determination, planning and positive thinking, she has most certainly maximised the chances of her wish coming true.
Words: Caroline Barron
