As the reality of the Belgian terror attacks slowly becomes clear, it feels like the safest thing to do is shelter our children from the horror news.
It’s a natural response, as parents are possibly still processing the impact of the event themselves, but Di Stubbs, a family services team member at child bereavement charity Winston’s Wish, told Express that impulse may be unhelpful to children who can be more confused and frightened by partial information than by the truth when that is explained simply and clearly.
Here are some helpful ideas about how to talk to your children about the Brussels attacks:
Even though it might be difficult, show you are willing to talk about it:
It might be hard, but do try to stay calm while talking about these terrifying events. Children tend to mirror their parents’ emotions – if you seem anxious, they will start to feel anxious too.
Stubbs said parents should be as honest as possible with their children, and try to avoid euphemisms like “gone away” instead of died, which will avoid confusion and reassure children it is okay and safe to talk about tough subjects.
She said this may lead to more questions about death and dying, and also what happens after death, so be prepared to discuss that if appropriate.
Older children will appreciate more details and the opportunity to explore why people do terrible things and the impact on victims’ families, she added.
Stick to the facts
Stubbs suggested, where possible, to try and distinguish between bad people and bad acts, and to avoid repeating any speculation made about the event.
“Children find the idea of bad people particularly frightening. Children are also very fair-minded and will want reassurance that the people who did this will be punished,” she said.
Use age-appropriate, simple language
One idea Stubbs suggested was showing Brussels on a map, and talking to children about the news happening “because something very bad and very sad happened to some people” there.
“If the kids are aware of what happened, a parent’s discussion should be focused on the child’s well-being,” says psychologist Paul Coleman, author of Finding Peace When Your Heart Is in Pieces added.
“The details of who, what, when, and why should guide the discussion to the child’s deeper – perhaps unstated – concerns.”
Stick to language, terms and ideas that are appropriate for the age of your child – explain as much of what happened as they can understand – but keep details to a minimum, like the number of deaths or how the attacks were orchestrated, and avoid emotive language, Coleman advised.
“If you are very upset and they notice, reassure them you will be fine but you are just sad at the news.”
Children will ask questions
It’s natural for children to wonder if similar events could happen to them or people they know, and they may even lose their sense of security for a while.
“Children who are concerned will appreciate a lot of reassurance and maybe more hugs than usual. Keeping a reasonably normal routine going will help them feel secure,” Stubbs said.
