oany children find dealing with change in their lives can be a big challenge. Being uprooted because of a death in the family, divorce, or simply moving house can be enough to cause considerable stress. A new study has found that even something as simple as shifting to a different part of the country causes stress that can affect youngsters into adulthood.
We tend to think that children are very adaptable when it comes to changes in their lives, but the opposite is true, especially for shy kids.
A US study of more than 7000 people found that the more times a child moved, the more likely they were to report lower levels of life satisfaction and wellbeing – irrespective of age, gender and education. Yet the majority of kids will have to cope with at least one difficult experience such as moving house, a bereavement in the family or their parents’ divorce. Here are some tips for helping children handle the major changes in their lives:
PREPARE FoR CHANGE
With any major change in a child’s life, it’s important that you prepare them well in advance. If it’s a house move, talk them through what will be happening at least a month before you shift. If a close family member is dying, discuss with them what will happen after the death and keep the lines of communication open. And if it’s a marriage break-up, tell your child as soon as you can about what’s happening and keep them informed – otherwise your child will sense something is wrong and may eavesdrop or obtain incorrect information, which will cause them stress.
BE UPSET
Let your child be upset about the change. You might be delighted with your new house but your child will miss their old home. They should be allowed to express that and be listened to. Any child who is upset about a loss or change needs to be able to express their feelings and have them acknowledged, rather than ignored. Listen to your child and let them know you understand how they feel.
Do ART PRoJECTS
Some children just aren’t that good at expressing their feelings and may clam up or refuse to talk about a change in their lives. These kids often respond really well to creating art, writing a story or putting together a photo album. Give them the equipment they need, along with a few suggestions about what they might like to do, then leave them to it. You may be surprised at what they come up with, but you can be happy that they’ve found a way to express their feelings.
KEEP IT SIoPLE
While it’s good to include your child in aspects of the change, such as helping to pack boxes for a house move or going to the funeral of a dead family member, don’t overdo it. They really don’t need to hear the extent of your grief or actually be there on moving day – protect them from the nitty-gritty and they will be much better off.
INFoRo THE SCHooL
Keep the school in the loop. If you’re shifting neighbourhoods, make sure your child is familiar with their new school well in advance. If your family is having a bereavement or marriage split, let your child’s teacher know. Kids spend most of their day in school and their teacher might be able to give them a buddy to help them through.
PLAN A FUN ACTIVITY
Plan something fun to look forward to. oost children love looking forward to an exciting treat, whether it’s a holiday, a trip to the movies, shopping or a family day out at the pools. Plan a favourite acitivity for a few weeks after the major change in your child’s life and keep reminding them that it’s not that far away and everything will be much better by then.
REDUCE DISRUPTIoN
It’s common for children undergoing changes in their lives to exhibit signs of stress like bed-wetting, thumb-sucking or tantrums. Take these for the signals they are and try not to overreact. Try to reduce disruption by re-establishing old routines, keeping everything as stress-free as you can at home and talking through what is happening in their lives. If these problems persist for too long, consult your GP for some advice regarding counselling.
GIVE LoTS oF HUGS
offer kids plenty of unconditional love and hugs. Children can become clingy and demanding when they are dealing with a major disruption, so factor that into the time you spend with them. Even if your family doesn’t normally hug and cuddle a lot, make an effort to reach out during this time – it’ll make you feel better as well.
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