**Dear Diane,
**When I was a kid we had lovely birthday parties at home with cake, a few saveloys and a crate of mixed soft drinks. The child who won “Pin the Tail on the Donkey” got a pretty hanky or a balsa-wood plane and thought they were the bee’s knees. When I look at the photos now I can’t believe how simple it all was, but we really had fun.
These days the kids want so much more and it’s becoming a real worry to me and some other mums I know, so I offered to write and ask you your thoughts on behalf of all of us. Should we really be obliged to take 10 or so children to a games place, a movie, or even one of those climbing outfits at huge expense to ourselves?
When my daughter turned 12 last year the celebrations ended up costing me more than $600 – especially because I was told we had to have goody bags. Will our kids be social outcasts if they only have a few friends around for some good food?
*Belinda & Friends
*
Dear Belinda,
With birthday parties there’s always a tension between what everyone else is doing, what we can manage and what our peers think is suitable. Assuming you’re willing to have another party, you need to decide what’s financially reasonable for you. There’s no point in spending too much, being resentful and then complaining afterwards.
It’s good you have a group of adults who can help each other set boundaries about what you’re willing to do. I suggest setting a budget and involve the next child to have a party in planning what can be done with that. How
do they want to distribute it? Would they rather spend more on fewer people or less on more people?
Would they rather spend more on food, activities or gifts? What can they do to help set things up? By both knowing what’s happening, you encourage thoughtful planning for a lovely time that leaves you both feeling good.
Diane Levy provides expert answers to your parenting queries. Send your questions to: [email protected]. Diane’s books are available in book shops.
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