‘Cherish every moment’ and other lies mums tell

Your relationship will get stronger due to the baby

“Desperate to keep up the appearance of an idyllic family home, for some strange reason I perpetuated this idea that my husband was super hands on when he got back from work, and that I lived for doing all the cooking, cleaning and baby stuff. I acted like our relationship was exactly the same and that I didn’t miss having my own life outside the home. In actuality, it was really hard, and when my husband would play with the baby for ten minutes after work before handing him back to me for another feed, there were times when I just wanted to burst into tears. It IS worth it, but it did make me realise that no matter what people say – women take the brunt of it when it comes to having kids. You have to work extra hard to remember who you are on top of being a mum, and at times it feels you’re more of a machine than a woman. I applaud every couple that makes it through.” Katie

That you fall in love with your baby at first sight

“Maybe that’s some people’s experience, but that wasn’t mine. I remember just thinking ‘ah, that’s not what I expected you to look like.’ I was also in shock following an emergency caesarean and high as a kite, so that could have had something to do with it.” Rachael

They grow up so fast

“This is true later on, when your kids are teens and suddenly they seem to be adults before your very eyes. But in the early years like when you have a toddler who won’t eat dinner, or you’ve had no sleep but you’re trying to make Playdoh, time goes agonisingly slowly.” Maria

Pregnancy is always beautiful

“I don’t think this really needs an explanation. But sometimes it’s just not. Swollen ankles, you’re tired, your skin and hair goes mental…it can be less than pretty.” Anon

That changing your own baby is not gross

“I’ve heard this lie before, that it’s fine and you’re not grossed out by your child’s own poop. When we first put my son on solids, I looked at his dad and asked if we could go back to just giving him breastmilk.” Nicola

Breastfeeding is always an amazing, magical experience

“Some women told me that the feeling they had when breastfeeding their child was close to euphoric; that they connected with them on a special level and had this incredible feeling of love when doing it. This was not my experience. I remember actually finding it quite gross and painful, and struggled with it for the entire six months.” Sarah

My child only eats quinoa with supergreens

“I’m sorry but I call Bullshit. It’s hard enough to get kids to eat full stop, let alone superfoods.”

Taking the first five years off was the best idea

“My mum took the first five years off to be with me, make me handmade playdoh and all that. She’s since said that all the people who told her this was the ‘best idea’ don’t know what they’re on about. I have no recollection of those five years, got bored with the playdoh almost immediately and she needn’t have worried.” Emma

My child never sleeps in the bed with me

“Again. I just don’t believe this is true. Sometimes it just happens.” Anon

I’m just too busy to see people

“When you have three kids, maybe this is true. But with one, you actually do have quite a lot of time. If anything I was mind-numbingly bored a lot of the time with my first. I would get excited about going to the supermarket or popping into work just so I could entertain myself. When I would tell people I was too busy – I was usually just enjoying watching crap TV on the sofa.” Sarah