Seven years ago, Dr Gretchen Good had something important to tell her boss. “I said, ‘I’m having a baby tomorrow and I need 12 months’ parental leave!’” laughs Gretchen. “He was thrilled and very supportive.”
After a three-year adoption journey, the Massey University lecturer and her husband Dan Nash were told at short notice that they were about to become parents to a newborn baby boy called Leo.
“We didn’t know if adoption would happen for us,” says Palmerston North-based Gretchen, 53. “We’re originally from America, we’re old and we’re Catholic – things we thought worked against us –but we just kept taking the steps and, in the end, it worked.”
Then three years later, it happened again, with Tiffany joining the family as a 12-week-old baby. “I got a nappy bag for my 50th birthday and I couldn’t be happier,” laughs Gretchen. The New Zealand-born kids both have Down syndrome, as well as some of the complications that can come with it.
Leo, now seven, is vision-impaired and non-verbal, while both he and Tiffany, four, have orthopaedic problems. But they’re happy, fun- loving youngsters who are active at school and playcentre, taking swimming lessons and undergoing music and speech therapy. Leo can even do 100- piece puzzles and write stories on the computer. “Two children with Down syndrome is not what we expected,” admits Gretchen.
“But we were chosen by their first families. We said yes and we meant it. We are so thankful, and have nothing but love and respect for the children’s first families.”
She and Dan, also 53, met while volunteering in Montana in the ’80s, but they didn’t get together and marry until they were 45. Both have an understanding of people with disabilities.
Dan used to run a shelter for homeless men and has done a variety of social work, while Gretchen was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes at age six and lost her vision because of diabetic retinopathy. After 23 medical procedures, her sight was finally restored when she was 29. In 1992, she came to New Zealand to work for the Blind Foundation, then spent a year at an employment service for people with disabilities.
“We didn’t go through any of the grief people might expect when they unexpectedly have a disabled child,” tells Gretchen. “But it’s important to remember that Dan and I are so lucky
to be their parents. We didn’t rescue these children – there were plenty of other families who would have loved and wanted them.”
Doggy nanny!
In July this year, Gretchen, Dan, Leo and Tiffany welcomed a new addition, Caz, a three-year-old Labrador specially trained for the family through Assistance Dogs New Zealand, which provides helper dogs for people with disabilities.
“Neither of the children have a good sense of danger or safety,” explains Gretchen. “If I yell for them to stop doing something, they wouldn’t react as quickly as most kids would.”
And then there were five! Helper dog Caz helps keep the children safe.
Safe & secure
Caz is allowed to accompany the children to hospital, into cafés, to school and on planes. The children can be tethered to Caz for safety – she will patiently wait with them on the footpath while Dan or Gretchen unlocks the car. She also acts as a guide dog for Leo and sometimes Gretchen, who experiences poor vision at night.
“It was difficult to manage both kids – we either had to grip them hard or put them in the buggy, which they were outgrowing,” says Gretchen.
“Caz has been amazing for their independence and they just love her. On the second morning, the dog went missing and we found her in Leo’s bed! She’s a wonderful addition to the family. The children are getting more exercise, more freedom and more sleep.”
The cost of purpose-training an assistance dog is $28,000. Caz arrived with the responsibility for Gretchen and Dan to “pay it forward”, so they are crowd-funding for another family to get a dog.
The Nash-Good clan has always attracted a bit of attention, but with Caz in tow, they are now fielding even more questions. “Just don’t ask us if the kids are ‘real siblings’,” says Gretchen. “Of course, they are, but they’re not biological siblings.”
The other question Gretchen and Dan aren’t keen on is whether they are Leo and Tiffany’s grandparents. “Aren’t people funny?” she muses. But because they are older parents and their kids have disabilities, the couple has set up a board of trustees, made up of close friends, who will help safeguard the children’s future.
In the meantime, Gretchen and Dan are doing all they can to encourage their kids to be independent, happy and healthy. “Becoming parents was a magnificent event and the cause of a big celebration,” says Gretchen. “Together, we are a really happy family.”
Gretchen and Dan have set up a fundraising page for Assistance Dogs New Zealand (ADNZ). If you would like to donate, visit this link here.
