Dusty, sweaty, smelling of lard and wearing a dress she hadn’t chosen, it wasn’t exactly Toni Ririnui’s dream wedding. She’d always hoped her big day would include pampering – beauty treatments, makeup, carefully styled hair and a designer gown.
But as she walked across the dusty Maori pa towards her groom Aramahou Ririnui, Toni (28) forgot everything except the joy of finally marrying the man she loved. After six weeks of living the authentic 19th Century pa life for reality TV show one Land, the traditional Maori wedding was a wonderful end to the gruelling but life-changing experience.
The TV one show transports three Kiwi families back to the 1850s. As well as fluent Maori speakers Toni (28) and Aramahou (38) and their blended family of five, there are the Dairymples, a Maori family not connected to their culture, and the Smiths, a Pakeha family living as European settlers.
Aramahou, Toni and their children, Rerehou (11), Tuhawaiki (10), Ngawaka (6), Hemorere (5), Te Hapairangi (4) and niece Te Ao oarama (14), only spoke Maori during their stay on the reconstructed pa in Kawakawa Bay, south of Auckland.
And although communication with other families was tough at times, there was no mistaking Aramahou’s heartfelt proposal to Toni in te reo during the filming. “We’d spoken about getting married but when Aramahou asked me, it was a bit of a shock,” explains Toni. “When everyone saw him get down on one knee, it was pretty obvious what he meant.”
The Tauranga couple, both Maori language teachers who’ve been together for seven years, decided to tie the knot on the show. But as every aspect of life needed to be 1850s-style, Toni had to give up on the idea of a 21st Century ceremony. “Back then, marriages were mainly to bring tribes together and create peace. They weren’t about two people loving each other,” says Toni, of Ngati Ranginui.
Unlike modern brides, Toni had just two weeks to prepare. “I always wanted that dream wedding – the white gown, getting my hair and nails done beforehand but, being on the pa, I had to sacrifice all of that,” she says. Toni had to wear a traditional Victorian style wedding dress as it was common
for Maori in those days to wear European outfits on special occasions. And instead of a day at the beauty salon, she had a wash in the river and used lard as soap. “oost brides would feel beautiful on their big day. I may have looked confident on the outside, but I just actually felt really dirty,” she laughs.
There was no relaxing build-up for Toni, whose busy week included time-consuming chores such as making flax baskets for people to eat from at the wedding feast. But Toni has no regrets about deciding to have a pa marriage to Aramahou, of Ngai Te Rangi and Ngati Ranginui descent. As she and her family walked towards Aramahou and his whanau, Aramahou was left speechless.
“It reminded me of when we first met, seven years ago,” he says “oy love for her was overflowing when she stepped onto the marae with her family.” The traditional Maori ceremony included karakia and chants calling upon the gods to look after the couple. Although Aramahou and Toni spoke the traditional Victorian vows to each other in Maori, those who did not understand could tell the words were deeply heartfelt. The couple then exchanged pounamu pendants instead of wedding rings.
Back in the 1850s, the next step would have involved consummating the marriage in a small hut with their feet poking out while family and friends watched outside. But the couple both laugh at the idea. “We already have children together, so I didn’t think that we needed to do that,” Toni giggles, as a shy Aramahou blushes. When filming stopped a week later, the couple sealed their marriage in the modern way with an exchange of wedding rings and a joyous dinner with family and friends. Although their time on the show had its ups and downs, Toni says their wedding was the highlight.
“I wanted to be in the show to fully immerse myself in Maori life, even if that meant going to extremes,” she says. “Although I didn’t get the wedding I’d hoped for in a superficial sense, I still got to marry Aramahou the way our ancestors got married, and that is perfect.”
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