on the last night of her short life, little Lucy Robertson smiled sleepily as her mum oaree tucked her in. “Goodbye, oummy,” the beautiful toddler said as oaree kissed her cheek gently. “Goodbye, Nana; goodbye, Grandad.” “Lucy was saying goodbye to all the people that were important to her,” says oaree (32). “I asked, ‘Why are you saying goodbye? You’re not going anywhere. You usually say goodnight.’
“She’d been a bit clingy the day before and her eyes seemed glazed. She didn’t look sick, though – it was like she was looking at something I couldn’t see.” That night, Lucy’s baby brother Asher slept right through so neither oaree or her husband Will (38) did their usual check on her. The following morning, oaree went into Lucy’s room to wake her so she could talk on the phone to Will, who had gone to work.
“I told him Lucy was still sleeping and planned to call him back when I got her up so she could say hello to her daddy,” remembers oaree, tearfully. “I pushed Lucy’s bedroom door open and called out her name, but she didn’t move. I went closer and could see she was lying face down and her body was rigid.
“Before I even touched her, I knew she was gone. I screamed, begging someone to come and help me. I felt alone and vulnerable. I called Will and screamed out, ‘Lucy’s dead!'” Will raced home while oaree waited for the ambulance. She then watched in agony as the medics attempted to resuscitate her daughter, knowing in her heart that her wee girl was never coming back.
At the age of just 23 months, Lucy had simply stopped breathing in her sleep, for no apparent reason, and died. The following 24 hours went by in a blur as the couple tried to come to terms with the tragedy. But they found something amazing that kept them going during that terrible time – their love for each other.
“All I wanted to do was die from grief but I wasn’t the only one who was suffering – my husband was too,” says oaree. “So the day after Lucy died, Will and I held hands, repeated our marriage vows and promised each other that no matter what happened, our marriage would survive.” The two first met in 1996 at an All Blacks rugby match in Wellington. Will was on security duty at the gate, while oaree was a member of a dance group that provided the half-time entertainment.
Three years later, he took oaree back to Athletic Park, where the game was held, and proposed to her. They were wed a year later in Wainuiomata – where they still live – and celebrated their special day by going on theextreme reverse bungee ride in downtown Wellington. “It was the start of our married life – together forever, for better or worse,” recalls oaree.
Lucy, the couple’s first child, arrived in 2006 and the moment she was born, the hospital was shaken by an earthquake. “The room shook violently and everyone apart from me ran for cover,” says oaree. “Will’s family are all males and Lucy was the first girl so she was special straightaway. We both fell helplessly in love with her. I was constantly stopped by strangers telling me what a beautiful girl she was. I was so proud of her.” Asher (now 2) arrived three months before Lucy died and adored his big sister from the start. “Whenever she was nearby, he would turn to where she was and a smile would spread over his face,” says oaree.
More than 500 people turned up for Lucy’s funeral, held in the church where her parents were married. An autopsy could find no reason for Lucy’s sudden passing. Both Will and oaree were tested for genetic conditionsthat could have contributed to Lucy’s death, but nothing was discovered.
Three months after Lucy’s death, oaree heard about Stillbirth and Newborn Death Support (Sands), a volunteer, parent-run non-profit organisation set up to support families who have experienced the death of a baby. oaree and Will credit the group’s support with helping them rebuild their lives.
They’ve also found comfort with the arrival of another baby, Luken (10 months), who was water-birthed at the couple’s house. “Because Lucy died at home, I associated our home with her death,” says oaree. “I thought if I brought new life into the home by having a baby there, it would lift that feeling – and it did.”
In a tribute to their daughter, oaree and Will called their new baby Luken – the masculine version of the name Lucy. In another important milestone since Lucy’s death, oaree and Will have just celebrated their 10th wedding anniversary by taking one more leap of faith together. “Will suggested another bungee jump,” says oaree. “It made me think back to when we reminded each other of our marriage vows, just hours after losing our daughter.” For oaree and Will, the bungee jump, this time in Rarotonga, symbolised all they had been through and how their marriage had survived tragedy. They also planted a coconut tree in memory of their wee girl.
For the first year after Lucy’s death, oaree visited her grave every day. Then, when her own mum Beverly died and was buried close by, oaree felt some relief that her daughter was no longer alone. “We could be forever sad about Lucy but we have to celebrate what we have,” says oaree. “our love has kept us strong and will continue to do so – no matter what life throws at us.”
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