Witnessing their daughter being severely bullied throughout her childhood, Hayley Grant’s parents knew the trauma would affect her deeply.
But nothing could prepare Allan and Adele Grant for the shocking news that Hayley turned to prostitution aged just 13 to help heal her emotional wounds.
As a father, Allan says Hayley’s revelation was earth-shattering.
“You feel like you’re less than the man you should be because you couldn’t protect your daughter,” he says.
Growing up, Hayley (now 20) says the classroom and the playground were a living hell. “I got picked on because I was fat. No-one wanted to know me.”
The bullying was so extreme, Hayley says she was once dragged to the back of the classroom and whipped with flax. Adele only found out after seeing the welts covering Hayley’s body.
Hayley also says a teacher once wrote “Fat” on the blackboard and pointed to her, telling the other kids that’s what the word meant.
“I’ve got so many stories. I wouldn’t tell oum and Dad half the stuff that happened. I’d just go home and cry myself to sleep.”
Adele and Allan also saw the bullying first-hand. Allan dreaded stopping at traffic lights for fear of what people in cars would say, and often they would see parents point to Hayley and tell their own children they would end up like her if they didn’t watch what they ate. The bullying was so bad, that the only friends Hayley had growing up were her parents.
“I never trusted people – only oum and Dad. They were the only mates I needed.”
The family moved from Hawke’s Bay to Auckland when Hayley was 11, but the bullying got worse. Adele refused to enroll Hayley in high school, opting for correspondence school instead. Having Hayley at a public school would be like “feeding meat to the lions”, says Adele.
Hayley craved love and approval from others and found herself addicted to social networking and dating websites.
“I thought I could get guys to like my personality first, and then they’d like me by the time they saw me. I would pretend I was some skinny little thing – I was hiding behind a computer,” says Hayley, who lost her virginity, during this period, aged 12.
In getting the affection she wanted from strangers and mixing with the wrong crowd, Hayley discovered a seedy world that gave her fulfillment.
“I never knew what prostitutes were. I let myself get used by any guy because they said they liked me,” says Hayley, who became a sex worker aged 13.
The teen would tell her parents she was staying at her brother’s, who was a solo dad. She helped look after her nephew during the day, but when night came, Hayley would sneak out onto the south Auckland streets, telling her brother she was at a friend’s house.
The attention from strangers gave her a confidence boost she’d never had before, and the fact that her clients didn’t mind she was overweight added to the thrill.
“When a guy pulled up next to me, I felt wanted. He’d picked me out of all these girls, and that boosted my confidence. I know it shouldn’t have felt that way, but it did. Being paid for sex made me feel like I was worth something.”
Hayley worked the streets all night, and made up to $120 each time. She says the effects of years of bullying, and a vicious sexual assault she experienced at 13, contributed to her continuing her lifestyle.
“I thought everything had been taken away from me – my childhood and my innocence – so nothing mattered.”
Despite her young age, her family didn’t know her secret. It shocked her that there were girls younger than her working alongside her and that police or social services never got involved.
“I looked older than I was, and whenever I was asked my age, I just lied.”
Living a secret life got the better of Hayley, and when she turned 18, she realised that she needed to change her ways – and come clean to her parents.
“Crime was increasing on the streets. I was scared that one night I’d jump into a car and that was the last time I’d ever be seen.
“I wanted to get pride back in myself and feel like a person, rather than a piece of scum on the streets, letting dirty old men use me.”
When Hayley eventually told her parents about her sordid double life, Adele and Allan were heartbroken.
“If I had known, I wouldn’t have allowed it. I would have locked her in her room,” says Adele.
“I’m not ashamed of Hayley – I’m a little disappointed, as any mother would be – but I love her unconditionally.”
Allan says he’s always told Hayley she’s a beautiful person inside and out, and it pains him that his fatherly pep talks weren’t enough to keep her off the streets.
“I told her that she’s worth more than what she thinks she’s worth. She was such a lovely kid to bring up and when the bullying got worse, it made her into this hard person.
“We’re never going to get our little girl back, but if we can get even half the child she was, that’ll be awesome,” he says.
Today, Hayley is putting the pieces of her life back together and is gaining confidence to pursue her dreams. She’s currently doing a computer course and she aspires to work with young people – including those who are bullied – and wants the world to know how bad bullying can be for victims.
“Don’t judge people when you don’t know them. Bullying can change someone’s life in a drastic way. I think maybe if I wasn’t bullied, I wouldn’t have done any of the stuff I did.”
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