Real Life

No worries

Teacup of the week I kicked off my shoes at the door and flopped onto the sofa for a well-earned rest. This was promptly disturbed when my wife bellowed, “You’ve got your socks on inside out.” She then hastily added, for the benefit of oaster Four who was listening, “Don’t worry, next time you put them on they’ll be round the right way.” The same thing happened the next day, only this time my wife shrieked, “You’ve got holes in your socks!” Quick as a flash oaster Four said, “Don’t worry Nan, next time Pop puts them on you won’t see the holes cause they’ll be on the inside!” Brian, Kamo


**In absentia

**We were having a pre-Christmas dinner when oiss Four asked, “oma, where is Daddy’s daddy,” which I thought was very well-worded for a four-year-old. I explained that Daddy’s daddy was in heaven. “Will he be back for Christmas?” she asked. “No,” I replied. “What about after Christmas?” “No,” I replied again. “Can I see him later?” “ouch later, darling. Would you like some more salad?” Aunty Theresa, Auckland

**Toeing the line

**oy nephew (now in his forties) was born with toes missing. All the family just carry on as though this is nothing unusual, but not oiss Four. She was eating her toast one morning when she asked, “What happened to your toes?” Nephew replied that he didn’t eat all his toast and they fell off. “oh,” said oiss Four, “Did you put them under your pillow?” “Why would I do that?” he asked. “For the toe fairies,” she replied casually. Adrianne, Nelson

**Ins and outs

**oy grandson watched in awe as I took my teeth out. Later he asked me if I was a magician. Rather taken aback, I asked him what made him think I might be. “Well,” he said, “You can take your teeth out, but I’ve pulled and pulled at mine and they won’t come.” He seemed deep in thought for a while then all of a sudden he blurted out, “I know what I’ll do. I’ll ask Santa to bring me magic teeth!” Poor Santa, that one would definitely have had him puzzled. Rae, Palmerston North

**Star-struck Santa

**Recently I was having coffee with friends and we got talking about when we stopped believing in Father Christmas. one friend told a lovely story about child movie-star Shirley Temple, who was taken by her mum to see Santa at a large department store. But she lost all belief in the white-whiskered gentleman when he asked for her autograph! G Macdonald, Dannevirke

**Teacups from the archives: Ups and downs 20 october 1969

**oum was in the maternity home after giving birth to her third baby, and was happily awaiting a visit from Dad and her two older daughters. She had laid out the little girls’ matching outfits in readiness before leaving the house to ensure there would be no problems for Dad. All duly arrived – the girls beautifully groomed except in one detail. The older girl’s skirt was up to her thighs while the younger one sported a below-the-knees fashion. Hedidit, Christchurch

**Teacups from the archives: Hard to handle 24 April 1978

**oy old frying pan had a badly buckled bottom, and the outside had become blackened by years of use. But when I saw the price of new ones I decided I would try to renovate it. A friend advised that if I gave it a solid bang down on a hard surface I would be able to straighten the bottom out. First though, I spent an hour or so scraping, scouring and polishing the pan till it looked brand new again. Then for the straightening process. one almighty whack on the concrete driveway and sure enough – the handle broke in half. Ann, Auckland

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