It’s a heartbreaking decision that no mother should ever have to make – to save your own life or the life of your unborn baby.
But brave Auckland woman Lauren Toopi (22), who was told she had cancer in February when she was 32 weeks pregnant, didn’t think twice about refusing lifesaving drug treatment to give her baby a chance at life.
“The doctors told me that their priority was to save me and not my baby,” says Lauren, who initially went for a check-up after persistent coughing and a golfball-sized lump grew on her neck.
“She was inside me – I could feel her. With all the scans, I was told that everything was going well – that she was perfect.
“I didn’t want to die, but I didn’t want to risk my baby’s life either. So I told the doctors to save my baby – that they should put her first in all the decisions they made.”
Lauren’s mum Yvette was by her side when the doctors revealed the shock diagnosis, and it tore her world apart.
“We were going along with our lives. I couldn’t wait to be a doting grandparent and Lauren was excited about being a mum. our whole focus was the baby, and so when the doctor pulled the curtains across and told us Lauren had cancer, it was devastating.”
The devoted mum-of-two finds it hard to hold back tears as she describes how the news made her feel helpless.
“When it came to my children, I could sort anything out, and if I had to, I would make sacrifices to make things happen.
“When Lauren heard the news, she started crying. She turned to me and said, ‘oum, oum’. I broke down because I knew I couldn’t fix this. I couldn’t make her better. It was the first time that, as a mother, I had felt helpless.”
What Yvette knew for sure though, was that Lauren wanted her baby to survive, and they convinced the doctors to wait for another three weeks to ensure the baby grew further.
“There was a chance that the cancer and the treatment would make me infertile,” says Lauren. “That was even more reason to save my baby.”
At 35 weeks, doctors decided it was safe to induce labour, so they could treat Lauren immediately.
She had to refuse a Caesarean, because she couldn’t afford to wait another six weeks to recover to start cancer treatment. After a painful labour, Lauren gave birth to a beautiful girl, Isabella, weighing 5lb 12oz (2.6kg).
A day after Isabella’s birth eight weeks ago, Lauren went for a bone marrow biopsy and CT scan. It was discovered she had stage four Hodgkin’s lymphoma and it was so advanced that she had masses in her chest, neck and lungs.
The following week she started fortnightly bouts of chemotherapy.
Lauren, who is a cousin to former national rugby league player Clinton Toopi, holds Isabella in her arms and says that despite the ordeal, her daughter is a true angel. “I love being a mum. She’s the light at the end of the tunnel.”
Lauren is continuing her chemo, and is waiting to hear how well the treatment is working. Meanwhile, the change in her life has been extremely hard. Because of her treatment, she’s not able to be an energetic mother to Isabella and relies on her mum to help care for her and her baby. And that’s not the only challenge.
“It’s a huge financial strain. I feel embarrassed,” says Lauren “I’ve always worked, but now I get tired a lot and have to rely on people around me.”
Yvette has cut her hours down at work to look after her daughter and granddaughter, and once a week Lauren and Isabella spend the day at Yvette’s work, where an air bed has been set up for them. “Lauren did everything she could to save her baby,” explains Yvette.
“And Lauren is my baby, so I’m doing everything to save her. We’re staying positive. This is a short-term glitch She finishes her chemo in october, and I know she is going to get better.”
Lauren tells her mum that she worries about her, which ignites a prompt reply. “Don’t worry about me. In october, when you’re better, I’ll sleep for a month,” Yvette laughs.
As three courageous females sit on the couch – Yvette, Lauren and tiny Isabella, who is happy being cradled by her mum – Yvette says it’s the love they have for each other that gets them through the hard times.
“We’re just a normal family who love each other. When things get tough, we cope. We don’t think about it, we just look out for each other.”
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