When Louise Conway was told a lump that had suddenly appeared on her neck was cancer, her first thought was for her son Max, who was then just 18 months old.
“All I could think was, ‘I fought so hard to have him, there’s no way I’m going to leave him,’” says the Auckland mum. “I was terrified I was going to die and all I wanted was to be there to see my son grow up.”
Louise had suffered three heartbreaking miscarriages before she gave birth to Max (now 5), and feared she and husband Mark might never be able to have children. She was determined to beat the cancer and today, she’s not only cancer-free but also the proud mother of another child, two-year-old Rose.
It’s been a traumatic journey, but one that has left her very grateful that she has children and can still be here for them.
As a way of dealing with everything she’s been through, Louise (37), a social worker before she became a full-time mum, started writing about her experiences. Her recollections have become a book, My Butterfly Gland, which she has self-published as both an ebook and a print version.
“It started as self-therapy,” says UK-born Louise. “But then I thought it could be useful to anyone who has been affected by either miscarriage or cancer.”
Louise and her family
When she began talking about her miscarriages, Louise was surprised to learn how many women she knew had also lost babies in the womb.
“It seems it is still not openly discussed. Afterwards, you are just expected to get on with life, but the feelings of loss are enormous.”
When Louise’s first pregnancy ended in miscarriage, just six days after she found out she was expecting, she was sad but not devastated. “I knew that was quite common and we thought the next attempt would be successful.”
She lost her second baby at eight weeks and, when she got pregnant a third time, everything seemed to be going well until the ninth week, when a blood test revealed a drop in pregnancy hormones. An ultrasound showed that the foetus had no heartbeat.
“That time was so much worse. I started to think that I was never going to have a baby.”
After the third miscarriage, Louise and Mark were referred to specialist clinic Fertility Plus, where tests weren’t able to pinpoint why she had been unable to carry a baby to full-term. She had counselling, and her doctor put her on aspirin, iodine drops and a higher dose of folic acid.
Louise was anxious when she got pregnant for the fourth time but overjoyed when this pregnancy was successful, and Max was born in 2011. She loved being a mum and life was blissful until August 2012, when a golf ball-sized lump suddenly appeared on her neck after a gym class.
It turned out to be cancer of the thyroid gland. Although the cancer had spread to the lymph nodes in her neck, it could be treated with surgery and radiation. The surgery left her feeling bruised and broken, and being given high dose radioactive iodine (RAI) meant she was kept in isolation for several days after treatment.
“Having cancer was an incredibly scary experience,” says Louise. “It changes your whole perception of life.”
Nine months after the lump appeared, Louise was told her cancer was gone. After waiting to make sure the radiation was gone from her body, she and Mark began trying for another baby. The pregnancy was problem-free and Rose was born in 2014.
Louise and partner Mark
Thyroid cancer affects the body’s ability to produce the hormones responsible for several processes, including controlling our metabolic rate and how the body uses food
for energy.
Her doctor told Louise her cancer was slow-growing and she’d probably had it for a long time, which led her to wonder if there was a link between the cancer and her miscarriages.
She learned that women who have thyroid disorders have almost double the risk of having a miscarriage, and that some research shows there could be a connection between thyroid cancer and miscarriage due to the effect the cancer has on levels of thyroid hormones.
Then there was the fact that she had taken an iodine supplement when pregnant with Max (iodine is needed for the thyroid gland to produce hormones).
“I wondered if that was what had made the difference to me not having a miscarriage that time. There is no evidence that my thyroid cancer was responsible for my miscarriages – it could be a coincidence, but I do think there is a link.”
Louise hopes her book will help other women who find themselves in similar situations. “If only one person reads it and gets something positive out of it, it will be worthwhile.”
My Butterfly Gland by Louise Conway is available from smashwords.com, amazon.com or shop.copypress.co.nz.
