She’s battered, bruised and burnt, but 27-year-old breast cancer survivor Suzy Smith is a long way
from being beaten. Of course, she’s lost a lot – half of her breast, her hair, the things that made her feel like a woman. But the one thing she’s determined to keep is her confidence.
That’s why Suzy decided to bare all for the New Zealand Woman’s Weekly as she recovers from her treatment, revealing exactly what it’s like to go through surgery, chemotherapy and radiation – and to come out of it feeling more beautiful than before.
“I thought about doing this photoshoot for a long time,” says Suzy, who is now in remission after a year of treatment for grade-three breast cancer. “I thought, ‘I could wait a few months, I’ll be in shape, I’ll have hair,’ but then I was like, ‘No.’
“This is what it’s like straight after treatment. I’m a whole [bra] size flatter on my right side, I have scars, a radiation burn, I’ve got no hair and I’ve put on 11kg, but so what? I’m still a woman and I’m still beautiful.”
Suzy was diagnosed in October last year at the age of just 26, after finding a lump in her right breast. “I’d never self-checked before, to be honest,” she says. “You don’t expect it to happen to you, especially as I didn’t have any family history.
“I’d had my wisdom teeth removed and afterwards for some reason my right breast was hurting more than my jaw, so I felt around and found a lump the size of a golf ball.”
After several doctors’ visits, Suzy was diagnosed with a highly aggressive form of breast cancer. “I knew it was going to be bad news. I knew it in my gut,” she says. “I tried to get out of the doctor’s appointment. I just wasn’t ready to hear it, but there’s never a good day to hear you’ve got cancer, I guess.”
What followed was months of surgery, chemotherapy and radiation, and while Suzy did her best to keep positive, there were times where it was almost too much for her to handle. “Some of the things I said to my partner Jock, like I was never going back to chemo, that I didn’t care if the cancer killed me… it couldn’t have been easy for him,” she says.
“When I first found out, I‘d decided I wanted both breasts gone, to just chop them both off, but my surgeon talked me out of it. I was thinking in the moment, he was thinking five years down the track. He didn’t want my self-esteem to plummet. I’m grateful for that.”
While surgeons removed the entire lump, complicating matters further was Suzy’s desire to one day have children – something that might not be able to happen naturally after months of chemotherapy. “It was a tricky process, but it was eventually covered and we had three [embryos] frozen, thank God,” she says. “I was crying and screaming to anyone who’d listen for days.
“Chemo just knocked me. I turned into an elderly woman overnight, it freaked me out. Even walking to the letterbox meant I needed a two-hour nap afterwards.“
Despite feeling horrendous for the duration of her treatment, Suzy was determined to never lose her sense of humour, having fun by sporting a Mohawk before lopping off all of her blonde tresses. “I actually never felt more beautiful than when I had no hair,” she smiles. “It was surprisingly liberating.
“I pushed myself to keep busy, to go to the shops and plan events for the weekend.” And she’s got one thing in particular to really get excited about – her wedding in January. “Jock proposed on Valentine’s Day,” she smiles. “The ring didn’t come in time, so he raided his little niece’s jewellery box and gave me a plastic flower ring.”
Now back at her job at the National Bank, Suzy’s determined to share her experience with others. “Your breasts are being chopped up, you lose your hair, and you feel like your femininity is gone. “Sexuality is a big thing, but it was important for me to show other women who are going through this – or are about to – that you are still a woman.
“It’s been a testing year, but one thing’s for sure – I’m definitely not wearing a wig at my wedding! I’m walking down the aisle with my short hair. I’m going to be myself.”
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