We need to talk more about the often taboo subjects of dying, death and funerals. If one thing in life is certain, it’s that death is inevitable for each and every one of us.
For too long it’s been something we don’t talk about and maybe don’t want to. Old-fashioned, often impersonal routines around sending people off are largely accepted without question.
After leaving the corporate world where I’d been immersed for many years, I spent 18 months researching the undertaking business in minute detail, visiting funeral directors all around the country to find out exactly how things work. It was a fascinating adventure and with that experience in mind, I started my Fresh Funerals website.
We’re not funeral directors, we’re enablers. We help people take control of as much, or as little, of a funeral or life celebration as they feel they want to. I’m passionate about taking the stuffiness out of farewelling loved ones.
Now, my days are centred around caskets – wood, wicker or cardboard, perhaps? Floral wreaths, bright or understated? A crisp white shroud or a dramatic crimson velvet one?
I reckon that if it’s your death, it’s your decision.
Did you know that if you want to, you can bury Aunty Ethel in the garden wearing her favourite white nightie, if that’s what she requests?
Burying someone at sea is fine too, as long as you adhere to the rules. Just check with the Environmental Protection Authority for the official ins and outs!
Throughout the day, I constantly come up with new ideas so I always keep my notebook handy.
I’ve spent a lot of time developing a detailed checklist, listing the initial formalities that must be addressed and then all the other options. My website has a function that enables users to get quotes from the funeral directors in their area.
It also guides those who choose to go ahead with a less formal DIY approach, offering alternatives to traditional headstones, hearses and dull, stilted obituaries.
The Fresh Funerals founder at home with her boys (from left) Joe, Reid, Jamie and Coby.
Many people believe that a body must be embalmed – but actually that’s not so. The reason we usually embalm here is down to habit, or perhaps because it was necessary to do so in order to get our boys’ bodies home after World War II.
People also might not know that it’s possible to hire a casket, rather than buy one, or that you can use a beautiful wooden Balinese jewellery box instead of buying an expensive plastic urn for a loved one’s ashes.
It might be that you want a private cremation, then to foot the bill for your friends to remember you by means of a party at your local restaurant or a barbecue on the beach. There’s no legal requirement to have a church or funeral home service.
What transpires should be an event that is fun and fulfilling, even though it is a sad time. I don’t ever want to hear stories like this one, which was shared with me recently.
A woman was delivering a eulogy at a church service for a family member – not an easy thing to do – when the undertaker came and tapped her on the shoulder and whispered something in her ear. The caterers had advised that the sausage rolls were about to get cold, so he asked if she could hurry along a little!
I have a great family. My older son Jamie (38) is an academic at Unitec and the proud father of two sons, Reid (six) and Coby (three).
My younger stepson, Joe, is seven and I just love it when we’re all together at my cute house on Auckland’s North Shore. I also have “partial custody” of my little dog Betty.
When someone asked my son Jamie what he thought of my new venture, he laughed and said, ‘Mum has done what she believes in most of her life. It’s a little odd, but that’s her!’”
