oum-to-be Jen Stephens (28) of Palmerston North found the road to romance bumpier than expected when she decided to date while pregnant.
The guy seemed really interested in me when he sent me the first few messages on the dating website. “So, what sort of things do you like to do?” he asked. “Do you go out much?” I hesitated for a split second then thought, “okay, just say it”. I typed the words and waited for his response.
Nothing. A reply never came. But what did I expect? After all, I had just told him I was pregnant with my ex-husband’s baby. I sort of expected his response but it still made me angry.
Why shouldn’t I be dating? I have been separated from my husband for four months. My friends encouraged me to sign up to an internet dating site. I thought it would be the easiest way to meet people for a single parent with three young boys and another baby on the way.
When I first joined the site, I was five months into my pregnancy. I was worried about what people might think of a pregnant woman who wanted to go on dates. But unless they have been in the same situation, they shouldn’t be too quick to judge.
I love my kids. My three older boys – Cohen (eight), Ashlin (seven) and Caelan (four) – are my number one priority and always have been. My ex-husband and I have a good arrangement where he gets to spend time with the boys, too.
After the separation I found I was missing grown-up company. oost of my friends are still single with no children so they can go out when they want but I didn’t like the idea of going out to bars and clubs so, in the end, the internet seemed the best way.
I’ve dated a couple of guys since I signed up and they’ve been lovely. I realise people are going to have different opinions about what I’m doing but that doesn’t really concern me. I would hope that views have changed since the time dating was seen as only going out with one person, with the hope of permanent commitment.
These days, I see dating as enjoying someone’s company, whether it’s for coffee, a movie or a walk on the beach. For me, it’s about making new friends. Besides, I’m a “cheap date” because I’m not drinking!
one thing I have done is change from chatting to men who don’t have kids, to talking more to men who have children, because at least they understand when you can’t turn up for coffee because of parenting commitments.
I’m always very conscious about safety when dating and I’m always upfront with people about being pregnant. It’s kind of noticeable anyway! I’m sure there are other women out there who have separated from their partners, are facing pregnancies on their own and are wondering if dating is the right thing to do. But everyone is different and I have a right to decide what is right for me! As told to oere oulu
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