This Palmerston North pair are in love and say their 33-year age difference doesn’t matter
Like most brides-to-be, Joyce Ruscoe is nervous about meeting her mother-in-law for the first time. Joyce’s fiancé Trevor is her toyboy and 33 years younger than her, making Joyce older than Trevor’s mum.
But the real reason this engagement might raise eyebrows is that Joyce is 90 years old and a great-great-grandmother, while the love of her life is only 58. The Palmerston North sweethearts have been doing the modern thing and living together for the past three years. Joyce says they are madly in love and the age gap, plus the fact she is of “a ripe old age” doesn’t bother her at all.
In fact, it’s only meeting Trevor’s 84-year-old mum, who lives in a rest home, that is giving her butterflies in her stomach. “I’m scared that she might not approve, says Joyce, looking lovingly at Trevor.
“His mother doesn’t know about our engagement and I really hope it doesn’t upset her. We are extremely happy together and naturally I’d like it if she was just as happy for us.”
Trevor says that despite the age difference and being younger than each of Joyce’s eight children, he believes he has found the woman of his dreams. “As far as I’m concerned, I love Joyce dearly and there’s no reason why I shouldn’t,” he says. “She’s a beautiful person and the kindest woman I’ve ever known.”
The couple met at church about three-and-a-half years ago, when Trevor offered to help Joyce out by mowing her lawn. Shortly after that he moved in to be Joyce’s live-in caregiver, and romantic sparks began flying between the two.
At first they were sleeping in separate rooms but it was Joyce’s yearning for goodnight kisses that bought them close.
“Every evening when I went to bed she would want a kiss goodnight, and I was happy to because I felt the same about her,” says Trevor. “I began giving her kisses and our relationship grew from there.”
Although it was Trevor who initially looked after Joyce, when he got prostate cancer two years ago and went through 37 gruelling radiation treatments, their roles were reversed and it was Joyce who became Trevor’s pillar of strength. “Just having her by my side during that testing time was a lot of help,” says Trevor. “I’m happy to say that I’m in remission now, and I think our love and Joyce’s support played a big part in that.”
When Joyce had a series of heart attacks, Trevor suddenly realised that they had to make the most of the precious time they have left together. And so, a year ago, he plucked up the courage to pop the big question. They were sitting together, enjoying each other’s company, when Trevor said, “Joyce, do you want to get married?” And Joyce replied, “That’d be nice, dear.”
This is the second marriage for both Joyce and Trevor. Trevor has three children and separated from his wife four years ago. Joyce, who became a widow 15 years ago, has eight children, 30 grandchildren, 77 great-grandchildren, and four great-great-grandchildren. Both say the family members they have told so far are thrilled they are engaged.
“oy children are happy that I’ve found someone to look after and love me, and who I love too,” says Joyce.
The first time she wed was during World War II, at a registry office, with just a basic ceremony and no celebrations. “It was the war, that was how things were done in those days,” says Joyce.
She says her second marriage will be just as low-key because that’s how she and Trevor both want it. “I’ve decided to have a quiet wedding because I’ve never been one to want pomp and glory,” she says.
Joyce even insisted that Trevor didn’t buy her an engagement ring but instead got her a bracelet because it was cheaper. “A bracelet is what I fancied, rather than a ring, because I didn’t want Trevor spending heaps of money and getting himself into debt,” says Joyce.
She says that, like most couples, they do have the odd argument. But even during these more difficult times, they are deeply in love with one another. “I have lived a little longer than Trevor and, at times, we do have our disagreements,” admits Joyce. “But deep down, I know I’ve found a man who is down-to-earth and not spoiled. And that’s not bad for someone my age!”
The lovebirds say that, unlike many younger couples, they connect on an emotional level rather than a physical one. “Sex doesn’t come into this relationship,” says Joyce. “We are great companions, and it’s all about love and respect.”
The couple intend to marry in June and are currently planning their big day. In a bizarre twist of fate, Joyce almost became a ors Wilson once before. And now that long-ago romantic dream is finally coming true – although she is marrying a different man. When she was just 18 years old, Joyce was engaged to another man with the surname Wilson but there was no wedding because he had to go to war.
“After all these years, I will finally get to be a ors Wilson,” she laughs.
Joyce realises that to some people getting married in her twilight years may seem too late in life but both she and Trevor believe it’s the perfect time for them. “Trevor’s been extremely ill and I’m getting on so neither of us truly know how long we’ve got on this earth,” says Joyce. “If agreeing to marry Trevor will make us both happy and give us a little bit more joy in life, no matter how old we are or how big an age gap there is, then that’s got to be a good thing.”
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