Dr Michelle oars makes it her business to know what couples get up to between the sheets. As a professional sexologist, the 44-year-old from Wellington has helped many people to spice up their sex lives and bust out of a love rut.
“At social functions, when people ask what it is I do, I just reply ‘Sex!'” laughs the gorgeous blonde. “People get quite embarrassed until I explain what I mean.”
A career that brings her up close and personal with people’s most intimate bedroom habits is a far cry from Michelle’s very conservative upbringing. But she always knew she had a passion for the subject of sex and, along with her desire to help others, found that she was able to inspire couples who had lost that loving feeling.
“When it comes to sex, let’s be honest – most people do it and it’s enjoyable. oaking love is a positive thing to do but most people are quite shy talking about it. I found I was able to get people to talk openly, and when you can do that, they have so much to say,” she reveals.
Ten years ago, Michelle recieved her doctorate degree after undertaking a ground-breaking study into the sex lives of people with disabilities. And for the past five years, she’s been one of the country’s leading lecturers on human sexuality.
Earlier this year, Michelle decided to take her interest a step further. She and a friend started up a company to help couples learn more about what makes them tick in bed and how to improve their love lives. She’s even appeared on TV to talk about the work she does.
Having delved into New Zealanders’ sex lives for a decade, the academic expert says she has noticed one key problem – we’re all a bit uptight! Michelle believes this prudish attitude has been inherited from colonial times, back in the age of Queen Victoria.
“We ended up with this no-nonsense, keep-it-under-the-covers attitude to sex, that it’s something we don’t need to learn about or develop an understanding of, and it’s certainly not something to talk openly and frankly about,” she says.
It’s only in recent years that Michelle has noticed Kiwis coming to terms with the sexier side of ourselves. “We don’t think of having sex as an art form – that it’s something good for our well being or our health – like they do in other cultures, such as the Italians and the French.
“A lot of countries around the world have long histories of sexual knowledge and understanding,” she says.
But finally, after decades of being in the sexual doldrums, Kiwis are developing a taste for love-making. “It’s a bit like the changed attitude to food in New Zealand,” says Michelle. “Twenty years ago, we ate plain meals, boring old meat and veges, but now we eat Asian cuisine, Italian food, delicacies from different cultures – there’s very little we’re reluctant to try.”
Michelle’s husband of 10 years, Danie (40), certainly seems to appreciate her expertise, and has learned not to see the pile of sex manuals on Michelle’s bedside table as an insult to his own skills. “Danie thought it was a bit weird at first, but now he is used to it,” she says.
As a mother-of-two, Michelle says it’s important for parents to be open and honest with their kids when it comes to talking about sexuality. “Don’t just talk about it as the birds and the bees or the egg and the sperm,” she advises. “Talk to children about how important sex is for loving relationships.”
Michelle reckons she’s got one of the coolest jobs in New Zealand and is determined to change attitudes wherever and however she can. “It’s time for us to start talking about sex. Let’s get it out there and start having much more fun!”
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