Relationships

When your partner is obsessed with their ex

Dear Wendyl, I have recently ended a relationship. I lost it in a fit of anger after some months of being rejected and pushed away.

Dear Wendyl,

I have recently ended a relationship. I lost it in a fit of anger after some months of being rejected and pushed away. My partner’s continuing obsession with her ex-husband didn’t help. She stalks him and his new partner, and constantly asks her adult children what he is up to. Their divorce is nowhere near finalised and is now heading to court. I love her, but can’t deal with this stuff any more. She has ruined our relationship with this obsession. What I want to know is, can you see us getting back together in time, once her divorce is sorted, or should I move on?

Over It, by email

Dear Over It,

The one thing I know will work in this situation is time. It sounds as though your partner hasn’t got over the failure of her marriage, and she needs to do that before having another relationship. Be a friend – nothing more for now – and gently encourage her to get some help for her feelings. Then, give her time. If she loves you, she’ll come back, but you don’t want her to do this until she has processed the divorce and has closure. Keep an eye on her and see what happens if she does.

Send your questions to [email protected] or write to Agony Aunt, NZWW, PO Box 90119, Victoria St West, Auckland 1142.

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