Dear Wendyl,
My boyfriend is a student and can only work part time, so doesn’t earn much. I’m working full time and get good money, so end up paying for most things when we go out.
I’ve never seen it as a problem, as I think we’re together long-term and one day he can pay. But his mum nags him about it, and now he feels bad and refuses to go out until he can pay his own way. How can I get him to let me handle it?
Kate, by email
Dear Kate,
I hate to burst your bubble, but his mum has a point. I agree that in a relationship there’s give and take, but you need to think of your boyfriend’s pride. Everyone wants to feel that they’re worthy contributors, and with you paying all the time he must feel like a loser, especially with his mum in his ear.
You need to let him pay sometimes. Suggest that you cover big things like dinners, and he pays for movies, or he could take you on dates that don’t cost much, like picnics, which he organises. That way he’ll feel that he’s contributing, and he’ll get a sense of pride out of that.
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