Dear Wendyl, My lifelong friend of more than 20 years recently confided to me that she has been cheating on her husband for six months. I was incredibly shocked, as I think she has a great marriage and her husband is also a good friend of mine. I don’t think that I judge people, but ever since she told me I’ve been avoiding seeing her. I just can’t accept that she would be that dishonest, and I can’t and won’t support her. But I don’t want to lose our friendship.
Jan, Wellington
Dear Jan, You say you don’t judge people yet that’s exactly what you are doing by saying you “can’t and won’t support her”. What your friend is doing is not good, but has it occurred to you that she may need some support from her friend? You could possibly help her see the right thing to do and give her the love she needs. By being absent you are telling her you disapprove and don’t care about her, so remove the judgment hat, be honest, and tell her you are deeply uncomfortable with what she is doing – but that friendship is not about deserting your mates when they need you. You don’t have to approve of her actions, but you should be there for her.
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