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Relationships

Polly's hard truths: 'My heart and loins are connected!'

Polly's no anatomy expert, but she swears they're joined by a tiny cord, and she'd like hers tied please!

By Polly Gillespie
Scientist-medical types say that babies are frequently being born without wisdom teeth now. Hooray for evolution!
Wisdom teeth are the worst.
As far as I can tell, the only purpose they have is to bring on bouts of massive pain, cause other teeth to become crooked and make dentists rich. There's no need for those little bastards!
This has obviously forced me to ponder the question: Are most women's vaginas inextricably joined to the heart via a secret cord? And has evolution weakened that damned cord?
I have a cord. Oh, I know
I have a cord. I hear tales of women who can freely hook up (cough!) with "lovers" (dreadful term) and then – boom! – move on to the next person (or persons) with zero feelings, zero regret and no need to practise writing their married name with every guy they kiss.
Today, we live in a world of apps that provide us with opportunities to swipe left or right to meet up with a myriad of people. In each dating app lies a smorgasbord of romantic or, let's be honest, purely sexual opportunities.
Well, a mixed variety of entrees, desserts and tasty main dishes anyway. Some that look appetising and some that look like Mum has really tried her best to do something with the leftover roast dinner. There are also a few plates of "baked catfish" disguised as sirloin steak.
I've had some app dates.
One even led to a relationship and several to some solid friendships. But one thing I have learned over too many years of trial and error is that I was born with wisdom teeth.
Sadly, they didn't provide wisdom when it comes to men, but I am still one of those women who, once I get feelings, is a bit of a schmuck.
If I stop at a kiss and a cuddle, then those feelings can wane quite quickly, but if I get more intimate, as in kisses and cuddles with no clothes on, then my downstairs heart sends a message to my upstairs heart that this person is "special".
Immediately my upstairs heart believes my downstairs heart, and all manner of angst and heartache can occur when I don't get a Romeo reciting poetry and bringing flowers to my balcony, as creepy as that sounds.
So, going back to my first question, are some of us born with the irritating love cord and some not? Am I just a psycho who expects every man to fall for me once he's "dined at my table"?
There is a cord. I know there is. And if I could, I'd like to have it tied, thanks. I'm not up for having my tubes tied, but I'll volunteer for the cord procedure. Maybe I should mention I found out a couple of years ago that I have a heart-shaped uterus.
That's a true story and perhaps, just maybe, that explains everything.
Be sure to check out Polly's new radio show from 8pm weeknights on Today FM.

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