Long distance relationships are all about hours on the phone, hours on the road and hours on your own.
It’s not for everyone, full of giant pregnant pauses of not knowing when your next rendezvous will be and the insecurities that ensue. Are the sleepless nights of wondering what he's up to really worth it? Is he really having a quiet night or partying with the lads?
If so who else is there, and is she hot? Is he on the level about what he’s saying, or is he pulling your leg and feeding your ego? Why would we want to put ourselves through the insecurities of a long distance relationship when there is something just as tasty next door?
And if he’s the type to have his cake and eat it too, then why are we too blind to see it? There are so many scenarios zooming through our heads, sometimes its enough to rip your nightie! A lot is open to interpretation when your partner lives beyond your reach. Trust is shaky. Innuendo and tone become all important because trying to get a read on his face for reassurance is near impossible
As I said, long distance relationships are not for everyone. When I was younger I couldn't see the point. I thought ‘that's what penpals are for!’ Perhaps I wanted to avoid the emotional roller coaster outlined above, but it may have also been the delightful talent in my neighbourhood. I grew up in Christchuch, where the rugby players were just as lovely back then as they are now.
Sure, careers happen, the travel bug bites and families move away. We seek ways to hold onto what we have. But in the end when it's time to move on, then let go!
It's often said:
“If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it’s yours. If it doesn't, it never was”
My philosophy is along the lines of:
“If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, its yours. And if its doesn't … shoot it.”
This may sound a little callous, but let's be honest - that’s exactly how most of us feel when the one we want doesn't want us back.
These days I am a huge advocate of long distance relationships. With a busy life, it's difficult to find enough time for my family, work, friends and myself let alone a partner. Catching up once a week doesn’t seem enough, but I love planning secret escapes to satisfy the romantic in me. For now it does. Sure it would be nice to roll him out each night for a snuggle, but somehow I think he would mind if I popped him back into the cupboard the next morning. No one likes to be objectified.
I believe the key to a successful long distance relationship is planned get togethers, open and honest communication (that doesn't affect me negatively) and a future that’s headed in the same direction. Trust is the biggest factor, but it's one that develops in time so in the meantime its all about fun.
Several years ago I had my first long distance relationship with a great guy from Christchurch for about a year. Everything was going swimmingly fantastic until he he decided to move to Auckland. Then things went pear-shaped because I felt claustrophobic and pressured. Needless to say, we only endured another year filled with break ups and make ups.
So mark those special hook ups and remember that space can be good. It builds the longing and hunger that keeps every romance alive and kicking.
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