Divorce doesn't have to be hostile
Kimberlee’s top tips for figuring out whether you really want to separate
- If you're unhappy in your relationship try and figure out what it is that's making you unhappy. And if your partner is equally unhappy ask them what it is that's making them unhappy. Maybe you can salvage things and meet each other's needs.
- In long term relationships you can fall into a comfort zone where the sparks have gone and you don't put the effort in any more - so its reminding each other what it is that brings you joy, builds your love, helps you reconnect and have your needs met. If you explore all of this and still come to the conclusion that you're 'done' then turn your attention to figuring out what it is that you want out of life. What are your values?
- Take your time, don't rush - because you can regret it. There are people who think 'this is what I want and I'm going to leave' but it's not easy as a single person let alone as a single parent trying to co-parent with someone whose world has been crushed by you leaving…
- If you decide to leave, give your partner time to catch up, emotionally. You've had a head start because you've probably been thinking about this for many more months than they have. Have some couples counselling so that you can help them understand why you're making that decision, then you can move through the separation process together.
- It's normal to get cold feet. You can still feel sad but it's important to understand why you feel sad. For some, the sadness comes from feeling grief for yourself and what you didn't get from the relationship.