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Q. I have read Fifty Shades of Grey more than once and am now quite keen to try using handcuffs on my husband. We haven’t tried anything kinky before, so should I ask him first before buying and surprising him? I don’t want to be embarrassed if he turns me down.
A. If you want to try handcuffs, then you should buy them. What harm can there be in introducing something sultry and fun to the bedroom? Not expecting something titillating can sometimes be half the fun. Ask yourself if you would be offended if your husband brought handcuffs – or anything else for that matter – home and asked you if you were willing to give them a go?
The main thing to remember is communication and trust – and having a safety word for exiting any kind of sex play is key. If he’s against the idea of that kind of play, don’t be disheartened. Everybody has the right to be different. Instead, use any potential rejections as means to start dialogue about what else he may enjoy that you could mutually experiment with.
Q. I love my boyfriend a lot, but having sex with him is so painful sometimes that I don’t want to engage in it at all. I have been to the doctor and there’s nothing physically wrong with me. My boyfriend wants to have doggy-style sex, but this position hurts the most. What can I do? I don’t want him to break up with me just because I’m boring in the bedroom.
A. This is a common complaint from a lot of women and you don’t have to feel you are boring. Think of yourself as the opposite. There are loads of sexual positions just made for the person who finds penetration not always comfortable. You need to find the position that causes you the least physical issue and make it your own – from standing-up sex, 69-ing or even small things like putting a pillow under your waist or a leg lock. You could try making love while sitting on a table or chair, as a surface can help alleviate pain.
Seize the day or night and play around a little to see what feels right for you, and have fun with what works. Don’t concentrate on the one or two positions that don’t feel right. And don’t apologise or hide anything from your partner. I’m sure he’d be upset to think you were having sex with him one way just to keep him satisfied.
Get adventurous and expand your sexual world with Peaches and Cream, which has the largest selection of erotic playthings and sex toys in New Zealand.
If you have a question for Jodie write to [email protected] or post your question to:
Woman’s Day
Private Bag 92512
Wellesley Street
Auckland.
